Imma Wiserd Commentary
by RemyBuxaplenty
Summary: I review the racist My immortal-esque fanfic Imma Wiserd! (I DO NOT OWN THIS STORY AND IM GLAD I DON'T) CONTAINS RACIAL SLURS
1. FRIEEED CHICKIN

Imma Wiserd AKA The racist version of My Immortal.

ch 1: da beginin

AN: afta redin da hairy potty books (not rly i saw the mooviez lolololol) i desided 2 make mi own hary potty storee. **Potty?**

note 2 da reedars: neva beliv any1 hu sayz a blak man dont like fired chickin. **Ever heard of black vegetarians?**

I wuz sittin out on da porch an mi mama leend out da windo an sayed "watchu doin soulja spirit buu jackson?". **Who in the world names their child soulja spirit buu jackson?**

"nuttin much" i said "we gut no food". **Well that's a shame.**

"o turtle don cri" **Turtle? Sounds like he's the target of bullies.**

"na mama i aint mad" i says. den i loked at da gund n said "i wish i had sum fried chinkin" den... dere wuz fried chikin on da grion!11111111111111 ** I assume grion means ground?**

"yo buu wuz dat i smel" mi mama said. I lookd arund all snecky like and den i whispad "fried chikin" an it went away. i wuz scared but nut in a afrayed way. den i whispad again "fried chicken" and it appered agan!111 so den i desided 2 tri sumden out. "wattamelon" an dere it iz a big ol slice o watrmellon at mah fet. **Imagine if all humans could summon food at their on will.**

mah mam lend out da door agan "boi now i no i smel sumden".

so den i leaned ova and wispad "fired chikin... wattamelon" an dey boat went away. i gut up an says 2 mi mama "lock mama!11 i aint gut nottin!11"

"but im so hundreh" sayed ma mama. den i felt sad. so i pointed mah finger at da grund an sayed "fried chikin" den a big ol bunmch of fired chikim appeerd. mi mama jumpt an scrammd. she ran in da house an slamed da door. "dun cum bak or ill shot ya!" she sayd. so i left. **So his mother kicked him out because he's a wizard? But he can make fried chicken appear! :D**

so whadda think? IF U FLAM UR RASSIST.


	2. Insparashun!

ch2: hogwats. **Great**

AN: im jus ritin dis now becuz i gut a butload o insparashun

den i went 2 hagwats. dena nigga came out a no were an says "hey im harry potter". **Harry Potter is white...**

i turned an said "u aint harry potter!11 i saw him in da movis!" **So did I.**

"i no but fo da audeance dey got a wite boi 2 play mi" **Exactly!**

"wat i said. **A comma would be good here.**

"u herd mi"

"dem rassist ppl!" **Those racist spinnakers!**

i entred da big ol place were everabodi eatz an dey put da wiserd hat on mi hed and it says "yo in ravenclaw" **1st. It's the Great hall. 2nd. "Yo in ravenclaw?"**

"hey daz were i stay" sed harry potter. den we both went to da room togedder. wen we were dere we saw the dumbldoor. an he turnt 2 mi an sez "welcum 2 skool distrect 7 (wateva dat meens). im ur dumbledoor." **I think he meant headmaster but who knows anymore**

hairy turnd t mi an seys "dis is da dumbledoor of da entire skool."

"hi mistr duumbledoor"

"yo can call mi alvin". **Alvin and the chipmunks?**

"ok alvin"

"goodbi" he sed an raned out on hiz broomstik.

"im sleepi" sed hairy potter

"butt its not even 12 o clock yet" i sed. **Yeah! Who goes to bed before 12?**

"i no but tomorow we hav skool an ill sho u all de pretti girlz an how to play bromstiks"

"sho" i sed "do u lik 50 cent?"

"do u lik soulja boi?" sed harry

we were best frends.


	3. MAGIK

ch 3: lernin magik

AN: im jus crankin dem out!1 if dis keepz up i jus mite publish it! **No Please it's okay**

da next day me an hary went doun 2 da big kitchin where all da chillin were chillin :). **Great Hall, also where all da chillin were chillin?**

i sat down at a tabel nex 2 a pak o crackers whu sayd "boi u cnat sit here!" **THOSE DARN RACISTS**

"y" i sed

"u haf 2 sit at da bak of da kitchin!"

den hairy came down an sayed "dun mind him. dat tabel is fo da snake ppl. **Slytherin.**

ur a ravencaw! u hav 2 sit at da ravenclaw tabel!" so we sat at da ravinclaw tabel. "dun mind dat cracker. daz draco. hes rassist." **DRACO WHAT HAS HE DONE TO YOU**

"ok" i sed

"des r mi frinds" dere wuz a pretty gurl named herman. **Hermoine NOOOOOO**

she fell in love wit me. it wuz so grat. we had brekfast togedder. den we went 2 skool. furst we had magik class. the teecher wuz an old womin wit glases and an ol droopy suit. "letme see wut u can do" she said. i pointed at da ground. "fried chikin" i sed. sum fried chikin apered on da flor. she piked it up an took a bit. "yum yum" she sayed and eatted it all. "i no wut class u should go in. u shud go in da blak magic clas." **I just imagine an old lady eating fried chicken and saying yum yum and I can't stop laughing**

"wut" i sed.

"dun worri, im nut rassist" she sad. "sum children r good at blak magik whil odders r wite magik."

"well ok" i sed

she gave us lots o homwork. **YAY HOMEWORK**

we had mor classes. den hary tok me outsid. "heres a bromstik" he said. and he gave me a bromstik. "wats dis 4?" i sed. "4 bromstiks fool!" harry sed. **YEAH 4 BROMSTIKS FOOL.**

"dunt get hurt turtle" sed herman. **No please get hurt turtle.**

"now dis is wut u hav 2 catch" sed hary and he took out a ball wit wings. it flu in2 da ski. **The ball with wings aka the golden snitch.**

but u hav 2 dog dis cuz it will try an hit u" he took out a big blak ball that hit me in mi hed. "ow i sed" **You would be dead if that hit you...**

"sorry" sed hary. he took out his wand an sed "go away" and the big blak ball flu into da sky.

den he tok da biggist ball of dem all. it looked lik a soccer ball. "u have to pass dis so it goes into da hols." he throgh it at me an i caut it. "UR AMAZING" sed harry potter. so we flew up in da sky an began 2 play. mi ballz startd 2 hurt. "my balls hert!" i sed. **That's why you tuck**

"sit on it lik dis" sed harry potter. an i did. meanwhile we playd an alot o ppl came arond an watcht ud. dere wuz so many of dem dat dey filed up all da seets. dey wa cherin. den i saw da flin bal. i didnt wan t harry to see it so i sed "imma gonna go up here fo a whil"

"wel alrit as log as u dont cach da snickers!" **Mmm snickers**

"ok" i sed lik i didn se it.

"wel ok" sed harry potter "bcuz im aboot to put da ball in ur hole!" **Uh I have no words.**

i went up but wen i wuz abutt to get it a guy in a big blak cap came in on his brommsticks. He poented his wond at me "die". i den fel off mah bromstik. "AHHHHHHHHH!111111111" i sed.

"TURTLE!11111" sed herman. da ppl scremd when i wuz fallin. it hit da grund. then i died. **RIP In peace turtle.**


	4. Vadermort!

ch4: da dark lord vadermort

An: heres anodder chapper!

da next day i wook up in da hosbitel. "ur all betta" sed da nurse. **Dang he's alive!**

"nigga don scar me lik dat" sed herman.

"u almost dyd" sed harry pottr.

"wut was dat?" i sed.

"it wuz da dark lord vadermort and he wantz to hurt ur mama" **OH NOEZ**

"WART?!11" i sed

"u gotta lisin turtle u gotta kill vadermort. it sed so in da profasi" **the profasi?**

"dat sounds dangerus" sed herman. **Well it is!**

"yeah he wants 2 destroi da world" sed harry

"ok" i sed "if he touchs ma mama IMMA POP A CAP IN DAT NIGGAS ASS!11111" **Whoa a violent type pokemon!**

den da dubledoor cam in. "shuddnt u chilldrn b in class?" he sed. **"Nope, what's class?"**

"but da dark lard almst killd turtel!11" sed herman. **DARK LARD?**

"dun say dat name" sed da vadermort "especially u turtle" **Why would vadermort tell someone not to say his own name or did they get names confused?**

"well ill hafta suspind u all" sed dumbeldoor "especially u turtle" den da dumbldor runnd awy on his bromstik. so we all went bak to our rooms. **I don't think you can suspend someone from Hogwarts..**

i went to sleep. when i wuz alssep i saw da man wit da blak cape and da blak coat. dere was a snake coimg out of da front a himself. he wuz sittin in a char in fron of da fried place. he sed 2 da snape "imma kill dat nigga boi soulja spirit buu jackson" **What did buu ever do to you masked man?**

I woke up scard. dere wuz som1 under da cofers wit me. it wuz herman. she wuz nekked. "lets hav sex" she said. so she bends over and i stuk my big blak cok in her tinee wite ass. **Well that escalated quickly**

"YES TURTLE YES" she sed. den i cam. an we stop. "what r u doin" sed harry next to me. "noddin" i sed ambarrist. "oh. i tot i herd somting." **No harry, we were just having sex but you're too oblivious to know.**

"i didnt heer noddin" i sed.

"oh, okay" sed harry and he went bak to slep. den we all went doon 2 brekfest. "how did u slep?" sed herman. "gret" i sed an slimed.

"what're u guys takken bout" sed harry pottr. **Sex**

"aww noddin" i sed an i smield.

"yeh" sed herman an she smiled.

"yeh" i sed an i slmied 2.

"what r u boiz smilin bout?" sed da dumbeldoor. **Oh nothing Dumbledore, just at the fact that I defeated vadermort!**

"ah noddin"

"well u had bettr hury up an get 2 clss" sed da dubledoor.

"ok we sed an den we went 2 magik class

"did u all do ur homerk?" sed da teakher? **Why is there a question mark?**

"i didnt" i sed.

"why not, turtle!? u hav such potenshal!" she sed.

"bcuz he was almost kiled bi vadermort" we sed.

"u fot vadermort?! u must b a grat wizrd!" she sed. "fin u get an a+" she sed. **Amazing!**

we sat thro class.

AN: haha u thot i wuz ded didnt u! well i trikd u lololol mor chpters cummin soon. **Great.**


	5. blak magik

ch5 blak magik class

AN: tanks 4 all da gud reveuz! recntly i watched da hary pottr moovies again so i cud get ma fadcts strat.

"helo everabodi mah nam is magik jonson" sed magik jonson. **MAGIC JOHNSON**

"water u doin techin dis class" i sed

"im ur techer" sed magik jonson "dey duont call mi magik 4 noddin!1 **True**  
wen i quit bascetball i bcam a techer at hogwats" i loked arond da room. dere wuz alot o niggas in dis class. an... DRACO!111 but he sat at da bak o da classrom. **Reverse racism?**

"class 2day we will lurn how 2 sumon patronises" **Isn't he like a first year? Patronus' are advanced magic.**

"wuz a patronis" i sed

"ull see" sed magik jonson.

so we went in2 da midle off da room

"normaly wen pracisin wit partorises we normally use dememtors... but seeing as how dis is a blak magik class" an he winked "were gonna use somtin alidle bit diferant" he went ova to da closet an opned in. an out came... A KLUKKLUCKSKLANMAN!1111 **A KLUKKLUCKSKLANMAN? OH NO**

so we all wnet up an did r patronises. ron did a snak. jenni did a egele. den i cam up an did a big o dragen. "DAZ AMAZING" sed magik jonson. **-Claps-**

den draco cam up an did a cjickin cuz he wuz a chikin. "dat wuz dum" sed magik jonson "u fail". drako wen bak 2 da bak of da room. **Poor Draco**

den da police came an arrestd me fo no reson. "wuz goin on" sed makig jonson. "ur under arrest" sed da cops. an dey tok me away an i wen to jail. **WHY DID THE POLICE COME TO HOGWARTS?**

An: suzpensfl iznt it? **No.** nex chapta cummin soon.


	6. GO CHARIZARD

ch 6: i get out of jail.

AN: im glad 2 see dat evry1 likd mi stori so i desided 2 rit da nex chapta now!111

i wuz in jail. it wuz cold but i had a cot an a toylet an mi romatez nam wuz kiwan. i wuz sad. **HI KIWAN. Also toylet**

"let mi out!11" i sed.

"no" he sed. **Gets straight to the point**

"why did yo put mi in here i didnt do aniting" i sed. **All he did was go to hogwarts!**

"bcuz ur a nigger an as u no we da police hate niggers" **YOU CAN'T USE THE WORD AROUND THESE PARTS SON. Also just because you're a "nigger" doesn't mean you need to get arrested.**

"U CANT US DAT WORD" sed kiwan **See Kiwan gets it.**

"yeh daz r word" i sed.

"nigger nigger niger" he sed an began 2 laff. **N word, N word, African Country.**

"well i no a word u mite like" i sed "DRAGEN!111111" den a dragen cam out. **GO CHARIZARD**

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!11111111111111111111111" he sed as the ragen began 2 eat him

"hes a blak magicon!1" sed anodder gard.

"den i gess well haf 2 tak away his wand!1" sed annoder. an dey did.

"now u cant us magic!1" sed kiwan "but i wish u did... dey dont feed niggas lik us in jail..." **Oh but wait Kiwan!**

den i had an idea. "du u lik fried chickin"

"sho i do" he sed "but not all blak ppl lik fried chikin. dat wud be rassist" **Just like this story**

"ok" i sed an pointed at da grund an sed "fried chickin" an dere it was.

"hooooray!1111111111111111" sed kiwan. "ur da gratist wiserd iv eva nown!" **HOORAY**

den... da fried chickin startd 2 chang... it wuz... VADERMORT!1111111111111 **DANG MY FRIED CHICKIN**

"die" he sed but kiwan jumpd in da wai an his hed esploded! **RIP Kiwan**

"beep" sed vadermort

"turtle! get mi uzi! its i n mi left pokket!1" sed kiwan. an i did. an i shot bullets on vadermort. **WHY AND HOW DO YOU HAVE A 640MM GUN IN YOUR POCKET. UNLESS YOU'RE MARY POPPINS IT'S NOT POSSIBLE**

"IM DIING!" sed vadermort. blod wuz goin evrywere.

"never trust a blak wizard" i sed. an i sed "DRAGEN" an dere wuz more blod evrywere. **Ain't that the truth**

"AHHHH IM DIING EVEN MOR!11" sed vadermort. **He would be dead.**

den he fel on da grund ded. **Oh there we go**

"U KILLD VADERMORT!111" sed harry potter.

"GUD JOB" sed magik jonson. **When did magic johnson get there?**

den snape cam up an sed "cum 2 mi oriface"

AN: but dunt worri dis is nut da last uv herd of darth vader!111


	7. Dinna with snape

ch 7 , dinna wit snape

"my my what an ingoyable meal" sed snape totchin da sids of his moth wit his napkin. he wuz sitin at his desk eatin. i wuz sitin in a char in front of his desk. i wasn't eatin. he wiped his hands off on da napikn an folded it in a tryangl bside his plat. **Snape is so primp and proper!**

"you moronic negresint layabout. do you know why i brot you here?" sed snape. **Negresint...**

i didnt no.

"leef da poor boi alone" sed hagrid. **Hagrid's here?**

"no. i think he shud be expeled." sed snape.

"well why" sed da dubleedor.

"becuz he brot a gun to school." sed snape.

"but he wuz trien 2 fite vadermort" sed herman.

"thats no alabi" sed snape. "he hangs at sundown" **IS SNAPE A KU KLUX KLAN MEMBER?**

"WAT!1111" sed harry potre.

"you heard me" sed snape.

"its tru" sed da dumbledoor "bringin a gun 2 skool is punishable by death. especally if ur blak" **Racists!**

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!11111111111111" sed herman.

"but wayt! da suns alreddy down!" i sed. **You idiot you'll get killed!**

"then i guess we have to hang you now!" sed snape. **Laughs evilly**

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!111111111111111" sed herman. an began 2 cry.

den... out of no were... HARRY POTTER BUST IN2 DA ROOM!11111 **He wasn't already in the room**

"hey wait! u cant kill turtle! den hus goona kill vadermort!" he sed. **Good point harry**

i wuz standin on da stage wit ma hed in da rope.

hermon wuz dreesed in a blak dress wit a vail an cryin on harys sholder.

"hahaha" sed snape. it wuz thunderin an lightnin and rain wuz fallin everywere. "with you gone, vadermort can rule then world!111" **THE ULTIMATE PLAN**

i wuz a gonner.

AN: now dat wuz excitin!111 sorry it tok so long. i had to look up those big words for snape bcuz hes wite an probably jewish. **Because all white people are jewish!**


	8. Shortest chapter ever

ch8, shiequz i wuz abot 2 die. **RIP**

den... a big blak nigga flu in on a grifen an thru me ma bromstik. **HOORAY**

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!11111111111111" sed snape. i got on mi bromstik an flu awai wit da big blak nigga. we flu ova till we fund his apartmant. We had to fund his apartment because he got fired!

"hi im shieqwaz" he sed "call mi turtle" i sed. "im snapes brodder" sed shieqwaz. **Snape had a brother?**

"no u aint" i sed "dat nigga aint blak" **YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER**

"yes i is" he sed "we bof haff da saim mama but i cam out blak an he cam out jewish. eva sinse den hes hated blak ppl" **Is that even possible**

"wel vadermort looks kind o jewish. do u tink dey cud b da same guy" **PLOT TWIST?**

"i don no" sed shieqwaz. den i had an idea dat wud rly wurk

AN: wel dat wuz a clifhangr!11


	9. Sorry Jewish People

ch9 , how 2 ctahc a jew

AN: sory it tok so long dis was a long chapta an i had 2 look up how 2 spell snapes words.

snape wuz wakkin down da halway. "yes now that weve gotten that awful nigger off my hands nothing will get in the way of my plans!1" **What plans do you speak of?**

he keppt on wakkin down da halway. "only 1 more thing could make this day even better" he sed. den he saw somden on da ground. it wuz a 5 dolla bill.

"ohhhh a 5 dollor bill" sed snape. he bent down to pik it up. but den... it moved just out of his reech! **Why would snape need money?**

"that was odd" sed snape. an he bent down to pik it up agin. but it movd agin! "well this is making me quite angry" sed snape. and evrytim he pikd it up it went out of his reech.

he went 2 da end of da halway "ahh i got u now!" he sed. but wen he sed dat a sak went ova his hed! **Damn! Foiled again**

"got u" i sed

. "curses" sed snape.

"we got u now" sed shieqwan" "let me go" sed snape.

we put him in a rum an put him in a char.

"SHIEQWAN" sed snake. **Snape!**

"brodder" sed shieqwan. "r u vadermort?" i sed.

Maybe "ill never tell" sed snape.

"not even 4... 5 dollors" **No, give me 100 and we'll talk**

snape lookd lik he wuz gonna eat dat 5 dolla bill. **Ew?**

"ok" sed snape "ill tell u if im vadermort or not. mi tru identidy is"... den wit his magik he got out of da char.

"gettim" sed shieqwan.

i tryd. but i cudnt cuz dey tok away mah wand in jail. "hes gettin away" sed shieqwan. den snape got out his gun. **What happened to magic?**

"now youll die... FOREVER!11111111111" he sed. **Is it because buu doesn't have his wand or**

"NOT IF I KILL U FIRST" sed shieqwan. "you wont hurt me im your brothr" sed snape. "yes i wud snape... or shud i say... VADERMORT" sed shieqwan

. "how did you know" sed snape. GASP "its queyt simpl" sed shieqwan "bcuz u an vadermort r never in da smae place at da same time!" **Well neither are you and vadermort!**

"DAM U" sed snape. "u were 2 smart for me" "now dat u no mi secret i cant let u life" den he started 2 shoot bullets on me. mi blud wuz goin evrywere. an den i died**. RIP FOR LIKE THE 3RD TIME DANG. **

AN: is dis da end... or is it!?


	10. My date with God

ch 10 i meet god

i woke up in heven. soulja boy wuz playin an i saw dis big ol nigga in a wit robe dat lookd lik 50 cent. **When I die I want soulja boy to be playing and 50 cent as god**

"hello turtle" he sed.

"how do u no mi name" i sed.

"bcuz im god turtle" he sed. **HI GOD**

i wuz amased.

"am i ded" i sed.

Yes, i'm sorry son "yes u r" sed god.

"den dat meen..." i sed

"yes it duz" sed god "but dont cri turtle cuz it aint yo tym yet so im senden u bak. i wan u 2 kill dat evil jew hu killd mi only son" **DANG THIS IS THE 4TH TIME HE'S DIED**

"yes lod" i sed.

"an rememba turtle, i will alweys bein wachin ova u. goodbi" sed god

"godbi" i sed.

i woke up in mi room

. "wuz wrong" sed hary pottr "u look wit as a cracker" **How can that be possible**

"aw noddin" i sed. "well u woke up jus in tim" sed shieqwaz "da bromstik chaminship is stardin an ur da star playa" **THE BROMSTIK GAMES!**


	11. The Bromstik Games

ch 11 bromstik champienship

i wuz in da locka room. i wuz so nervus. i hadnt ben arond 2 pratise bcuz i wuz ded

. i wuz lokin for ma bromstik. but i cudnt find it. den i turnd arund. it wuz... VADERMORT STEALING MI BROMSTIK!11111111. **HOW DARE HE **

"haha" he sed "an gess wut. i killd evry bodi else on ur team! now ull nevr win!" **OH NOES**

"wut" i sed "thers no way ull beet us at bromstiks now" he sed "and then well kill u. hahaha" an then he flu off on ma bromstik. **HOW RUDE**

"wut am i gonna do now" i sed i wen on da feeld. "waddiya doin turtle?! da championship is about 2 bigin!1" sed hary potta

"i cant" i sed. "vadermort stole mah bromstik"

"DAT THEFFIN BIGNOSE CRACKA" sed hary potter. **Thiefing bignose cracker?**

"an he killd evry1 else on da teem1!" i sed

"WUT" sed hary " how r we gonna win now!?" **I Dunno.**

den we lookd ova. "oh my god" we sed. da deth eattas had brot... DA KLU KLUX KLAN. **OH MY GOD THE KKK?**

dey didnt hav bromstiks. but dey had guns a flammin cross an a rope. **Typical**

"hey look niggers!" sed 1. an dey all started to shot at us. **This is just racist**

"deres way were gonna win now" sed hary potta.

den i got an idea. "DRAGEN" i sed an a dragen apeerd. **CHARIZARD! :D**

i got on da dragens bak an me an hary went up into da air.

we only had me and hary an we had to play aginst da deatheaters hufflpuff grifendoor an sliterin ALL AT DA SAME TIME. **Best 2 out of 3?**

"GET DA NIGGERS" sed da klukluklan guy an dey all started to shot at us. **Didn't they start shooting before?**

"how can dey still see us!1" sed hary pottr

it wuz bcuz da ski wuz wit an we wuz da only blak guys on da feild.

"it is bcuz da ski is wit an we is da only blak guys on da feeld" i sed. **DEJA VU**

vadermort lookd ova "dis is da worst ting eva!1 how cud mi plan not hav workd!" **Maybe because the entire Ku Klux Klan is on the field**

den da dubledoor flu up an sed "let da game bgin. lets play fair" den da buza sounded. **Yeah, "Fair."**


	12. The actual bromstik games

ch 12 da game

mi an hary pottr were da onli ppl on da ravencow teem. all da odda teems was flyin arond trin to put dere balls in r hols. an da kluklanklan wuz shootin up at us. **Still?**

"hary u gard da goals. ill lok 4 da snigger" i sed.

i flu up high on mi dragen. "GET DAT NIGGA" sed a griffendor. "NOT B4 I PUT A BAL IN UR HOL" sed a slithrin. "ILL BEET U BOT" sed a hufflypuff. den he fell down. he wuz accidently shot bi da klukluxklan. **I'LL BEET YOU BOI, Also RIP**

i wuz fliin up in da air lokin 4 da snikker. den i saw vadermort. "die" he sed buit i flew out of da way. instead he hit a griffindoor an he esploded. **RIP**

"U MISSD MI" i sed an went bak 2 lokin 4 da snigger. "die" sed vadermort again. den he missd an hit a death eater an he died.

i wuz fliin an vadermort wuz chasin mi. den i saw... draco!1 an he saw mi. "now die soulja spirit buu jackson!1" an he pulld out his gun. an he shooted mi but i got out of da way an instead he hit... VADERMORT!11

"AHHHHHH" sed vadermort. den vadermort pointed his wand at draco an his brom esploded an he fel in2 da klukluxklan but dey didnt hurt him cuz he was wite. **Oh**

"ah ha" sed vadermort. he had fond da snigger. i lokd dwon. da snigger wuz in da middle of da feeld.. right in da middle of... DA KLUXKLUXKLAN. **OH NOES**

he wuz divin 2ward it and so did i. dere was bodis all ova da feeld. da klukluxklan wuz shotin up.

"u cant let da klukluxklan get da snigger" sed hary potta "or dey win da gaem!1111"

da klukluxklan wasnt shotin at vadermort. he wuz wite. dey wuz shotin at me but dey kept missin an hittin everibody else!11 **wHY ARE THEY STILL SHOOTING? THEIR AIM SUCKS**

"hey lok deres da snigger!1" sed da klukluxklanman an started runin 2ward it. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!11111111111111111111111111111" i sed

"yes" sed vadermort as da klukluxklan man put his hand on da snigger. **NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**

but da ball went throo da klukluxklansmans hand. den i reelised... dey werent da klukluxklan... DEY WERE GHOSTS!111111 **THEN HOW CAN THEY HOLD GUNS?**

"u fools!1" sed vadermort.

bcuz dey were gosts i flew thro dem an got da snigger. but dey shot up mi dragen. an it died.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!11111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111" sed vadermort.

den da buzza sonded. da game wuz ova. "U WIN" sed da dumbledoor. **yay**

"u may haff won this tim... BUT NOT 4 LONG!11111111" sed vadermort. den he pointed his wand at harry. "die" he sed. harry esploded. he fell off his bromstik.

"QUIK GET DA DOKTA" but bi da tim we got dere hge was alredy ded. **RIP HARRY**

"haha sed vadermort and him an his detheaters flew away.


	13. Meen Bitch

ch 13 dat meen bitch

"U WON DA CHAMPIONSHIP!1111" sed herman. **YAY**

"good job" sed da dumbledoor.

"weres draco?" sed herman

"o he almost died" sed da dumbledoor. "but da best part is every1 on da sliteryn teem died!" **Well a lot of people died that day.**

"we shud celebrate" sed herman an she startd kissin up on mi.

"i no maybi we cud go 2 a fancy restrant" i sed. **Oh you fancy huh?**

"rly" sed herman.

"ya we can go 2 applebees!11" i sed. **APPLEBEES!**

den she huggd mi an started kissin up on me even more.

dat nite i desided 2 do somden speshal. it wuz r first date. so i took a shower. i put on ma best cothes.

i took herman 2 applebees.

"dis is amazin!" she sed.

we sat down an dis fancy french guy cam 2 us an sed "wuts yo order" he sed.

"ill get a cowboy burger" i sed "wit friez n onions" **MMMM**

"ok an wut wud u lik missy?" he sed.

"ill hav a salad an sum water" **Lameeeeeeeee.**

"ok" he sed an den he went away 2 get r food

but den... hu walkd in... BUT DRACO!111 an he sat down bside herman. **Typical draco, always cockblocking!**

"watta u doin!1" i sed

"noddin" sed draco lookin arund all sneekily an den he walkd away.

den da fancy french guy brot r food an we eatted it.

den we went bak 2 hogwats an she tok off her cloze an got in mah bed.

i wuz about 2 put mi big blak cock in her tiny wite ass but den i realisd... dere wuz somebody already in dere! **Again with these sex scenes**

den i turnd on da lite. herman wuz havin sex wit draco!1111 **THREESOME!**

"U MEEN BITCH" i sed. **MEEN BITCH**

"wait dont leef me!" she sed but i wuz alredy up an out of da room.

AN: thx 4 all da gud reviewz!111 **What good reviews?**


	14. Sorry Germany

ch 14 da evil lair

AN: dis chapta wuz brot 2 u by da AFCA. da americin fried chikin associashun. **God bless the AFCA**

"wut r we gonna do about dat nigga" sed vadermort. he wuz sittin in his evil lair havin dinna wit dracula an hitler. dey were eatin babies. **WHY IS HITLER THERE?**

"i say we kill him!" sed dracula

"gutantof gutantof chocolate choclate gutantof" sed hitler wich wuz german 4 "i agree we shud kill him" **Typical german, also german for "I agree we should kill him" is Ich stimme zu, wir sollten ihn töten**

"ive tried dat u fool!" sed vadermort "hes such a great blak magicon dat he keeps cumming bak 2 life" **CRISS ANGEL! :D**

dracula tok a bit of his baby. "den how r we gonna kill dat nigga" **I dunno**

"i dont know" sed vadermort. den hitler screemed.

"KINDERGAREN" he sed wich wuz german 4 "deres sumden rong wit mi baby" **Es ist etwas falsch mit meinem Baby**

den dracula lookd ova "wait dat isnt a baby... dis is fried chiknin!11" **Yes fried chikin!**

den vadermort had an idea.

"i no" he sed. "ill go bak in time an make sure dat FRIED CHIKIN WUZ NEVER INVENTED!111" **NO I LOVE FRIED CHIKIN WHY VADERMORT**

"daz a good idea" sed dracula an hitler clappin dere hands.

dracula finished his meel. "my my wut an enjoyable meel" he sed dabbing da sides of his cape. **Use a napkin**

den vadermort starded speekin "by tomorrow everythin in hogwart is gonna BE ALL WHITE!1111111" **boooooooring.**

AN: ohhh dat wuz scarry... i wundda wuts gonna happen next!11


	15. Cry me a river Buu

ch 15 cryin

it wuz nittime. i wuz sittin under a tree cryin. dat meen bitch herman wuz cheetin on me wit draco. **Poor buu**

"dat meen bitch" i sed cryin. why wuz she cheetin on me. i didnt no.

just den... from behind a tree... i saw a memba of DA KLUKLUXKLAN!111111111111111111 **YOU ALWAYS SEE A KKK MEMBER**

he wuz wakkin 2wards me. i reechd 4 my wand. but i didnthave it cuz da police took it away when i was in jail. **Damn police**

"nooooo dont hurt me" i sed but he kept commin.

he reeched out his hand. an his hand went throo me.

it wasnt a memba of da klukluxklan... IT WUZ A GOST!1111 **OOO SPOOKY**

"hey turtle wutchu doin all da way out heer" sed da gost. den i reelised... it wuz da ghost of HARRY POTTRE!11111 **HARRY!**

"hary! ur a ghost!" i sed.

"i no. dat evil jew vadermort killed me" he sed. "why u out heer turtle" **"I'm crying, why?"**

"dat meen bitch herman cheeted on me wit draco"

"dat meen bitch. but dont worry turtle. dere are odder girls. ur da sexiest blak man ever" **"Harry, you're making me uncomfortable"**

"rly" i sed. **"No." Harry sed sarkasticaly**

"rly" he sed. "well lets go 2 sleep. we hve class 2morrow."

so we went 2 r room an went 2 sleep. **You went to sleep together?**

AN: u thot hary potter wuz gone... but i triked u!111


	16. NO FRIED CHIKINZ?

ch 16 da next day

afta we had brekfest we went 2 class. me ghost harry were sittin next 2 eachodder while da teacher wuz teachin.

den... dat meen bitch herman came in. she tried 2 sit next to me but she almost sat on ghost harry, **NOT GHOST HARRY**

"HEY" i sed "herry's sittin dere!1" **YEH HERRY'S SITTING DERE FOOL**

"sorry" she sed and den went 2 go sit somewhere else.

in class we lernd how 2 grow flowers with magik. i cudnt do it well bcuz i had no wand. **Aw poor you.**

an den class ended. **Amazing**

den dis old man came up 2 me. "i rememba u" **Cue creepy old man!**

"wut" i sed

"yeh i remember you" he sed

"ok" i sed. den we went 2 lunch. **Breakfast was like two seconds ago?**

so we sat down at da table. i was rly hungry 4 sum fried chikin. but dere was none on da table. **NO FRIED CHIKIN?**

"ill have to fix dat" i sed "fried chikin" but noddin happend. "fried chikin" i sed agin, but noddin happend. den i turned 2 magik jonson who wuz sittin across from mi.

"wheres all da fried chikin" i sed.

"fired chikin?" he sed "wuz dat?" **GASP**

"u no fried chikin" i sed.

"iv never herd of it" he sed. **GASPU**

den i started 2 get scared.

"OH MY GOD" sed ghost harry "VADERMORT MUST HAVE GONBE BACK IN TIME TO MAKE IT SO DAT FRIED CHIKIN WUZ NEVER INVENTED!111111111111111" **OH MY GOD NOES. But wait if fried chicken wasn't invented yet how do they still remember it?**

"daz terrible!" i sed " life wont b da same witout fried chikin!1 an i cant use magic anymore!"

"u cant use magik animore?!" sed magik jonson "den you haff 2 get da hell out of dis skool!11111" **YOU CAN'T USE MAGIC YOU HAVE TO LEAVE**

but we cudnt leev yet. we had one more class... **Logical**


	17. Secrets are out

ch 17 dark magik

we went into snapes class. he toaut da dark arts. not dark as is blak, bcuz dat was magik jonson. dark as in evil. **Now its dark magik clas?**

i knew dat snape wuz vadermort an wut he had done so we were lookin all angry like at eachodder all class. **Shouldn't you be learning?**

"i went bak in time an made sure fried chikin wuznt invented. now u have no magic powers. den all cum up 2 ur room 2night and kill u!111111111" **NOOOOOOOOOOOOO**

i cudnt do magik so all class i talkd wit ghost harry.

as i wuz goin to mi room i saw herman an draco lovin up on eachodder. i got rly mad.

den snape came out of his class. "dracula, wat are you doing" he sed.

"WUT!1" i sed.

"VADERMORT U FOOL" sed draco. **DAMNIT VADERMORT**

"oops" sed snape.

den i saw it... draco wuz short 4... DRACULA!111111 **AN AMAZING DISCOVERY**

"wut!11" sed herman "ur a vampire?!1"

"DAM" sed dracula

den filtch came in wit his cat sweepin da floors. he turned 2 snape "irchskinveikshin" **FILTCH IS HITLER?**

"hitler! weve gotta get out of here!1" sed snape **You mean filtch?**

snape took a dolla bill out of his pocket and it grew 2 da size of a carpet. **Fucking Amazing**

"EVERYBODY! QUICK! BACK 2 DA LAIR!11" sed vadermort. den snape, flitch and draco jumped on it and flew away. **Oh so now it's flitch?**


	18. DA DEEVIL

ch 18 bak at da lair

"U BLEW MI COVA VADERMORT!111" sed dracula. dey were all sittin at da table. vadermort dracula hitler and wolfman. **Is wolfman Lupin? Oh no...**

"wen r da fried babis gonna' get heer!?" sed wolfman. **YEAH IM HONGRY**

"enuff chit chat" sed vadermort "i wud like 2 introduce 2 u our most sincer member an da founder of dis organisashun... da deevil." **THE DEVIL?**

a death eater rolled in a crinkled old man in a wheel chair. **THEY'RE SELLING CHOCOLATE**

"i heer dat u boys have been havin trouble killin dis nigga" sed da devil. **Yeah we have.**

"yes" sed vadermort "weve killd him... tried 2 beet him at bromstiks... we dont no wut 2 do!11" **Yeah but your plan turniped unsuccessful.**

"well deres more den 1 way 2 kill a nigger" sed devil. "in mi day we killd niggers all da time." **Is your day 5 minutes ago?**

"but we have a plan. we went bak in time an made it so dat fried chikin wuz never invented. now he cant use magik. niw all we have to do is kill him 2nite." **Shouldn't this be illegal?**

"well dis is wut u do..." sed da devil... **CLIFFHANGER**


	19. Gatling Guns and Vacuum Cleaners

ch 19 goodbye. **BYE! :D**

i wuz packin mi stuff 2 get ready to leef. an ghost harry wuz helpin mi.

"im gonna miss u turtle" sed ghost harry.

"im gonna miss u too ghost harry" i sed. **TRUE WUV**

so i picked up mi suitcase and wnet 2 da gates.

"goodbye" i sed.

den... da gate esploded an vadermort flu in on his dolla bill wit hitler wolfman an dracula! and there army of detheaters!111 **OH NO NOT AGAIN**

"GET DAT NIGGA" he sed an dey all started attak me. dey took out dere guns and dere magik wands and started 2 shoot magik an bullets at mi. but i cudnt fite bak bcuz i cudnt use magik an hary cudnt fite bcuz he wuz a gost. **Again with saying nigga. That. Is. Racist**

dracula flew through da air an jumpped on me. "HOW DO U LIKE DA TASTE OF DIS NIGGA" he se an was about to bite my neck. den... HE WUZ KNOCKED OFF BY A FLYING PINK VACUMCLEANER!1111 **VACUUM CLEANERS? WHERE ARE THE BROOMS?**

it wuz.. HERMAN!1111 "TAK DAT MUTHAFUKA" she sed.

"noooo dere gonna soot u!1" i sed an wolfman 2ward her as da detheaters started 2 shoot at her. **No don't soot me!**

den he wuz shot down bi bullets. da dumbledor wuz standing wit a gatling gun in his hands!11 **WHERE THE HELL DID HE GET A GATLING GUN? Oh right, we're in the past. But aren't gatling guns supposed to be on stands?**

"WHAT" sed vadermort. an da dumbledoor shot him off his dolla bill.

"I THOT WE CUDNT BRING GUNS 2 SKOOL" sed harypotter. **YEAH**

"teechers can" sed da dukbledoor.

he thru me a gun.

"guns dont use magik" he sed. **Magic is basically usless**

den we all started 2 fite da detheatters.

da dumbledoor shot down da first row wit his gatling gun. "TAKE DAT BITCHES" he sed.

"URCHKIN FURTIVATIN" sed hitler an took out his RPG lancher an started firen. dey were esplodin everywere. **WHERE DID HITLER GET AN RPG LAUNCHER?**

"DUUUUUUUCK!11111111111111" sed da dumbledoor an we jumped bhind a wall.

we were all firn at dem an dey were firn at us. dere wuz soooo many of dem!1111

den da dumbledoor took a remote control an hit a button. **Remote control?**

dere wuz an esploshun in da middle of da detheaters. wolfman howled in pain.

"wut wuz dat?" i sed.

"i put remotecontrol landmines aaaaaallllll over hogwarts incase someden like dis hapined." sed da dumbledoor. **Ah yes, landmines**

"no my patronis!1" sed herman.

dracula wuz holdin on 2 da flyin pink vacumcleener and da detheaters wuz trin 2 shot it down. Hermoine's patronus is A VACUUM CLEANER?

"wait weres harry?!" i sed.

he wuz in da middle of da detheaters but dey cudnt hurt him bcuz he wuz a ghost an he wuz now wite.

d dumbledoor hit 2 more buttens. da entire bak of da detheaters esploded. dracula wuz thrown off da vacumcleener.

da vacumcleener flew bak. it had a hole in da bag.

"nooooooo!11" sed herman and she took out her sewing kit 2 fix it. **Where did she get a sewing kit?**

a bullet hit da ground bside me. dere were 30 guys on da roof bhind us! i took my gun an shot dem all down.

"tanks" sed da dumbledoor an kept shotin wit his gatlingun. vadermrot wuz trin 2 get away. **TANKS?! Oh he meant thanks.**

"OH HELL NO" i sed an ran out from bhind da wall shootin at vadermort.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!11111111" sed herman but she was 2 busy sewing 2 do anyting. **Lazy ass herman**

i wuz dogin all da bullets an shootin da detheatrs an shootin vadermort.

"good now ive got u" sed da devil.

den i turned around an saw da devil flyin around in his wheelchair. **This is so messed up**

"TAKE DIS" he sed an a door came out of nowere in front of me. he opened it an 2 detheaters grabbed me. inside da door wuz... HELL(sorry 4 da dirty laguig)!11111111111111111 **LANGUIG?**

"NOOOO DERE GONNA PUT U IN HELL BCUZ IF U WENT 2 HEVEN GOD WUD SEND U BAK BUT IF U WENT 2 HELL YOU WOULD NEVA COME BAK!11111111111111111111111" sed harry. **PERFECT**

"lololololololololololololololololololololololol" sed da devil evilly.

den out of nowere a basketball came an hit satan out of his chair. it esploded in2 a blak hole! it sucked up da devils chair an da 2 detheaters holdin me.

"am i late?" sed magik jonson. **MAGIC JOHNSON!**

"ABOUT TIME NIGGER" sed da dumbledoor an hit 2 more buttons. dey blew up somemore detheaters. **Again with the n word!**

"well take it from here" sed magik jonson "u kids get out of here"

so me an herman jumped on da pink vacumcleener an flew away.

"WAIT 4 ME" sed harry.

"YOUR A GHOST U CAN FLY" i sed.

"OH YEAH" sed harry an flew up wit us.

we were goin 2 da only place we knew. shieqwans apartment. **SHIEQWAN!**


	20. Jesus Appears

ch 20.. da aqartment

"dere it is" i sed pointing at sheiqwazs apartment. **It's so ugly..**

we flew thru da window. glass went everywere. sheiqwaz wuz eatin KFC wit his griffin and wtachin soulplane. **How is he eating KFC? Also, soulplane?**

"nigga wutchu doin? deres glass on my floor!111" he sed.

"vadermort took away my powers an da devil tried to kill me and put me in hell" i sed.

"daz awful" sed sheiqwaz.

hermon wuz vacumin up da brokin glass. **MORE VACUUMS! :D**

"how did he take ur powers" he sed.

"he went back in time an uninvented fried chikin" i sed. **A tragedy**

"fried chikin? wuz dat?" he sed.

"nigga arent u eatin KFC" i sed. **Yeah.**

"KFC doesnt make fried chikin" he sed. **Then what does KFC make instead of fried chicken?**

"we need ur help" sed herman.

"ok ill help u go bak in time" he sed.

den he got out a clock.

"since u dont dont have magik ull need these" he sed. he took out a bigass gun. "an some of des" and he gave me sum grenades. **Thanks**

i tok dem.

"i want 2 go bak in time 2" sed herman.

"oh u dont want 2 go bak in time" he sed "dey dont have pretty dresses or makeup or sewin mashines bak den"

"ur rite i dont want 2 go" sed herman. **Good idea**

he put da clock in front of me.

"ill send u bak in time 10 thousen years ago" **10 THOUSAND YEARS?**

den he stared to move da hands bakwards an i stared to fall in2 1 of dos tunnels wit clocks flyin around" **You mean a wormhole?**

i fell out in hogwarts. alot of tings looked differant. den... sum cracker hit my shoulder as he passed by. he had long hair and a berd. **Oh so Jesus is white but God is black?**

"who do u tink u are" i sed. den he turned around.

"hi im jesus" he sed. **JESUS! :D**


	21. My friend Jesus

1 my new frend

AN: my precher told me all da jesus stories an wrote down da names 4 me so i cud use dem in my story. da following is a true story.

I was so amazed i wuz gonna pee myself... jesus... WAS WHITE!11 **Ew don't pee yourself. But if Jesus is white how is God black**

"oh my god" i sed.

"hey hey hey dont talk abot my dad dat way" he sed **GOD IS BLACK **

"im sorry" i sed

"i havent seen u b4. were r u from" he sed. **Singapore**

"im from the future and ive cum 2 da past 2 invent fried chikin" i sed

"fried chikin" he sed "wuts that" **DOES NO ONE KNOW WHAT FRIED CHICKEN IS ANYMORE.**

"its da best food in da hooooole world" i sed. **True**

"why do u want to creat fried chikin" he sed

"becuz witout it i cant use magik" i sed. **It's my... special power**

"well i can fix dat" sed jesus

den he put his hand on my hed and sed "HEAL" and... my magik powers were back!11

"wow" i sed. i looked at da ground. "fried chikin" i sed but dere wuz no ried chikin, **Fried chicken wasn't invented yet**

"you should get rid of that gun" sed jesus "theyre not allowed at school. u cud get crucified" **Oh..**

i didnt no how he saw da gun but he pointed to my shirt and dey flew out an disapered. **The guns flew out?**

"dont u need a wand 4 dat" i sed

"i never need a wand" he sed. **HE'S JESUS! :D**

"wow u must b a grate wiserd" i sed

"i lerned it at skool. do u go 2 school?"

"i used to..." i sed

"u have to go 2 skool" sed jesus " dat way you can get a high payin job. wen i graduate i wan carpender" **A wiserd carpender**

"well until i make fried chikin and get home can i go 2 ur school?" i sed

"sure but we need 2 go see da dumbledoor first" sed jesus.


	22. Abraham Lincoln and Judas

22 .. my new skool

AN: i haf been gettin lots of reviows sayin i haf bad spelin an grammer so im tryin reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel hard 2 give u da best reedin experiants.

we were walkin cross da skoolgrounds an i saw lots of pepol on crosses. **Subtle**

"if you do someden bad around here den the dumbledoor crucifies you" sed jesus.

den i got 2 thinkin.

"hey jesus" i sed "if you invented cristeanity den are you cristin?"

"christeanity? wuz dat" sed jesus "im jewish. (AN:i no i wuz suprised 2!) r dere any odder religons?" **Oh my god Christianity has been around for years and probably 10 thousand years ago**

so we kept walkin until we came 2 da dumbledoors door. we waked up da stairs until we came 2 his office.

"why hello mr christ!1" sed the dumbledoor.

"hello proffeser pilot" jesus sed. **Professor pilot?**

"wh is dat wit you" he sed

"oh dis boi wants 2 go to our skkol" sed jesus "his name is... WAIT!1 i dont know ur name" **Shouldv'e asked me before**

"my name is soulja sprit bu jackson. but u can calll me turtle" i sed. **Buu! :D**

"well turtle" sed jesus "dis is da dumbledoor of da hole skool. professer pumpass pilot" **PUMPASS PILOT?**

"thats strange" sed pumpass pilot "we just had a new profeser transfer in. but never mind. we have 2 get u sorted!11"

he tok out da sortin hat an put it on my hed. it sed... GIRFFENDOOR!1111111

"grate dats da house im in" sed jesus. **Jesus was in girffendoor?**

"but sudnt i be in ravencow!?" i sed

"soory da sortin hat has spoken" sed pumpass pilot and he put da hat under his desk. "is dere anyting else u need"

"ya i need a magik wand" i sed

"well here u go" sed pumpass and he gave me a wand. **Is pumpass supposed to be dumbledore or?**

"now you have everthing you need!" sed jesus "we can go 2 da commen room now"

so we wakked 2 da commen room but den i saw dis biiig tower. **Was it big?**

"hey jesus wuts dat" i sed

"thats were da ravencows live" sed jesus "babel tower" **I assume they mean bible tower?**

so we went in2 da commin room

"HEY JESUS" sed a girl an a boi "whos dat with you?" sed da girl. **HEY GURL**

"dis is my new friend turtle" sed jesus "turtle, let me introduce you to my 2 best friends. mary margerin and judas."

"hello turtle" dey both sed

"hello jesus. where have you been all day?" sed a picture at da back of da room. it wuz above da fire place. it was... ABRAHAM LINCON!111 **Oh no not lincoln...**

"oh im fine" sed jesus "meet my new frend turtle"

"hats off 2 you turtle" sed mr lincon an he tiped his hat. **-Tips Fedora-**

"why do you have a picture of abraham lincon in ur commen room" i sed. **See, Buu gets it**

"dont u know? abraham lincon is da father of da jews!" sed jesus. **He was?**

"hahaha" sed mr lincon merrily "u kids run along or ull mis diner"

so we all ran along 2 da great hall.

we sat down at da griffondoor tabel.

"hey i no u" sed judas. i didnt know him. **JUDAS! :D**

"wut?" i sed

"yeh i know u" sed judas. den i remembered.

"oh yeah i met u in da future!1" i sed. **It's the old dude!**

den professor pilot got up an sed "students i want to introduce u 2 our new student turtle!1 and our new professor who just transferred in... professor snape!"


	23. Lincoln and the pink pajamas

ch23 - sexy jesus

"WUT" i sed

snape was standin up on da podiam wearin a toga wit leefs on his hed. he narrowd his eyes an lookd all meen at me from sa=acros da grate hall den went bak 2 sit wit da other teechers whu were also werin togas an leefs on dere heds. **Welcome to the 1st annual hunger games.**

"wow" sed jesus " we have a new teecher"

"hes evil" i sed

"come on we havnt even had a clas wit him yet" sed mary margerine. **Who the fuck is Mary?**

"no hes evil" i sed "he followed me 2 da past so i dont invent fried chikin and to kill me" **Why is fried chicken such a bad thing?**

den we had dinna. we didnt have anyting fried. all we had wuz bred wine fish and cheese. **Cheese ._.**

after dat we went 2 da griffendoor commen room.

"how wuz dinna?" sed licon. **It was gud prez licon**

"grate" sed jesus. **Grated cheese**

den i went up 2 my dorm room but i didnt have any pajamas so i slept in my clothes.

den everyone went to bed. expect jesus. so i got up and whent to da commen room lookin for him. den i saw dem. jesus wuz makin out wit mary margerine! he had his hand up her shirt and dey were kissin wit da tungs. **Kinku**

i just stood dere.

abraham lincon wuz asleep. he had on a pink nightdress an a pink sleepin hat. **Typical presidental bedroom attire.**

i quietly went bak to da dormroom. judas was there.

"hey turtle" he sed "where have you been"

"nowhere" i sed an den when to sleep. **Liar.**


	24. Solomon the Wise

ch 24 jew hats

woke up. i rolled over... an i saw... mary margerine in da same bed as jesus!

"good mornin" dey both sed. **Good morning**

i wuz suprised. jesus didnt have a small white boy penis. he had a big black boy penis. **Typical**

"well we better be goin down to brekfest" sed judas

"hey wait!" sed sed lincon "you cant go out like that!"

"why?" i sed

"bcuz your not dressed n school uniform!" **Uniform?**

"oh i forgot!" sed jesus. he pulled sometin out of his pocket an put it on my head. it wuz a jew hat! **A JEW HAT?**

"that looks alot better" said abraham lincon and tipped his hat to me.

we finished brekfast. den we went to math class wit professor soloman. snape wuz sittin at da back bcuz he had da class next. soloman had a baby on his desk. **SOLOMON THE WISE?**

"now class how many babies do I have on my desk" sed professer soloman. mary margerine raised her hand.

"one baby" she sed. **Wrong, it's two you losr**

"thats right" sed soloman "now how many babies would i have if i cut dis baby in 2?"

no bodyanswered. den mary margerine raised her hand "two babies" she sed.

"daz correct!" sed soloman and he took out his chainsaw. he cut da baby in 2. blod went everywhere. snape licked his lips. **OMG**

for da rest of da class soloman showed us how to make 4 babies out of 2 babies and 6 babies out of 4 babies. **This is just gruesome**

when clas ended we had dark arts wit perfesser snape. he went up 2 da front of da class.

"goodmorning class" he sed "im ur new dark arts teacher." en he took up all da babies dat soloman left behind. "today ill teech u how to eat babies"

"WUT" sed jesus

"ur not trying to cause trouble are you mr. christ?" sed snape. **Bitch I might be.**

"we cant eat babies!" sed jesus. **True.**

"you can if you want an A !" sed snape. **Fineeeeee**

"dont worry perfessor snape. ill eat babies." sed a meen looking boy. his name was goliath. **GOLIATH OH NO**

"thank you goliath. you are a nice an well mannered young man. u get an A." sed snape. **Where's David**

not everyone ate babies dat class. only da evil ppl did.

"turtle, mr. christ, can i see u after class" he sed when class ended.

we stayed.

"if you boys cause anymore trouble then ill have to punish you" he sed.

den we left.


	25. Actual shortest chapter ever

ch 25 way down below

meanwhil... 10000 years in da future an a mile under hogwarts...

"damn" sed dracula "we almost had him. we cudve takken on dumbledoor but we didnt tink of magik jonson" **Oh that Magic Johnson**

"fochnoktaf" sed hitler wich wuz out staf is short now an we lost many of r detheaters. **Unser Personal ist kurz, und wir viele unserer Todesser verloren**

"da devil is in da hosbitl bcuz he wuz fell off his weelchair an brock his hip." sed dracula. "da same is 4 wolfman. I CAQNT BELIWEVE WE LET DAT NIGGA GO TO DA PAST!111111" **YEAH WE SHOULD'VE STOPPED HIM**

"ichkanvochinmatenvadermort" which ment vadermort followed him too. **Vadermort folgte ihm zu**

den dracula spoke "hes killed jesus b4... can he do it agin?" **No.**


	26. Magic laser balls

ch 26 jesuss big red balls. **I'm so done**

jesus showed me 2 da lab.

"here youll have everyting you need to make dis "fried chikin"" he sed

"fried chikin?" sed judas "wuts dat?"

"its like chikin" i sed "but fried"

"dats crazy" sed mary margerine "you cant do that" **YEAH LISTEN TO MARY**

"but like hell im gonna try" i sed.

i mixed da chemicels. dey went through da glass pipes an da test tubes. i boiled dem on da fire. **You can't make fried chicken in a lab**

jesus judas an mary margerine were watchin me all curious like. **but was there curiousness?**

den... DA WALL ESPLODED AN VADERMORT AN HIS DETHEATERS BURST IN!11111111 **NOT AGAIN**

vadermort opened his cape. missles flew out an esploded everywere. glass startinb flyin every were. **How?**

"NOW YOULL NEVER INVENT FRIED CHIKIN!111" sed vadermort. **NOOOOOOOOOOO**

da detheaters took out dere wands an dere guns an started shootin magik an bullets at us.

jesus stepped in front of me.

"JESUS NO" i sed. **JESUS NO**

den his hands went all blury an he caut all da bullets betwen his fingers. den he through dem back at da detheaters. the bullets went thru vadermort an hit da detheaters. 15 detheaters died an vadermort fell down on his need tghrouwin up blood. **RIP deatheaters. Also, tghrouwin**

judas an mary margerine were shootin magik beems out of dere wands. **Magic beams... right**

"how do u do dat?" i sed

"didnt dey teech you at school?" sed judas. an he showed me. **No they didn't**

"u might need dis!" sed jesus an my gun appeared in my hand.

"but how will you fight jesus" i sed

"dont worry about me" sed jesus. den 2 big red balls appered in jesuss hands. he threw dem at da detheaters. da romm esploded. everyone wuz flyin in da air.

i landed on da grass outside.

mary mergerine had a magik sheeld in front of her.

"how do you do dat" i sed. an she showed me.

jesus floated out of da air an landed on his feet in front of us. but were wuz judas?

judas fell from da sky into da middle of da detheaters. his wand had a lazer sword commin out of it. he spun cut through 10 of da detheaters. **Magic is useless here.**

"wuts dat" i sed.

"dis is a wand blade" sed judas. an he showed me how to do it.

with my wand an my gun i shot bullets an magik at vadermort. he put up his hands an made a magik sheild to blok dem. jesus had another one of his big red balls an through it at vadermort. vadermort bloked it wit his magik wall but he wuz strainin.

"i underestimated da power of your magik lazer balls!" he sed. **My magic laser balls?**

den da ball broke through his magik sheild an slammed into his chest. his coat caught on fire. he wuz thrown back an burst through da brick wall behind him into da lab. he skitted across da glass covered floor. **Ow.**

we all looked at da dusty hole in da wall. den... missles flew out. dey were all aimed at... JESUS! **OH NOES**

"NO" i sed. but detheaters were tryin to attack me from behind. i spun around an cut three of dem in haff wit my wand blade an den shot da others wit my gun an my wand. den i realised... i was surrounded! there wuz no way to shoot dem all! den i remembered... i still had sheiquazs gernades!

one ran at me wit a wand blade but i doged an kicked him into da other ones. den i through a grenade at dem all. dey were about to doge, but i wuz quick an took out my gun an shot da grenade in midair. it esploded. wit my wand an my gun i shot a guy who wuz commin at me from behind. i rolled on da ground past some other detheaters who i shot. den i took out 2 more gernades an shot dem into da detheaters. dere were 2 more esplosions. **How does dumbledore just allow all this to go on at the school and not care about it?**

missles were still flyin at jesus. but he wasnt afraid. he smiled. da missles flew around him and flew back at vadermort. dey went throug hda dusty hole in da wall an esploded. the lab colapsed a little. **Only a little.**

50 guys were commin up from behind jesus. jesus clapped his hands together an dey all squished together in midair into a big bloddy pancake. den dey all shlooped to da ground like soup. **Ew. **

"OH LORD" sed one of da detheaters "SPARE ME!" an he got on da ground kneelin.

"ok. i wont kill u" sed jesus. an winked at da detheater an his hed esploded. **Must have killed him with his attractivness or something**

"WHATS GOIN ON HERE" sed pumpass piolet. he looked really mad. "LOO KAT THIS MESS" **Vadermort attacked us!**

vadermort had changed bak to snape. "dey shot me!" he sed. **How did pumpass not see him transform?**

"WUT" sed pumpass piolet "mr. christ im very disappointed in you! all of you come to my office!" **WE ALMOST DIED SHUTUP PUMPASS PIOLET**


	27. Rainbows and Unicorns

ch 27 josefs gay multicolored coat. **Oh boy.**

we were walkin 2 pumpass pilots office. snape wuz limpin tryin 2 look like he wuz all hurt. he wuz lookin at me all meen like. **ALL MEEN BITCH LIKE?**

"ur gonna get crucifyed for dis!" sed snape. **We would get crucified for anything at this rate.**

"wut wuz dat" sed pumpass pilot

"nuttin" sed snape "i wuz just tellin these kids wut naughty little assholes they are"

"yes. u r quite naughty. lucky 4 u we changed da rules 100 years ago. bak den we wud shove a pole up ur ass 2 kill u." **a pole up my ass?**

an speekin of shovin poles up ppls assholes i saw dis gay kid. he had a coat of lots o colors. **OH LOOK I MADE AN APPEARANCE. Oh wait.**

jesus waved at him. "hello josef" he sed. **JOSEF MENGELE?**

"hello jesus" he sed

"whos dat" i sed

"hes josef" sed mary margerine "hes frum hufflypuff. hes head of da gay pride parade" **This part is set 10 thousand years ago, I doubt gay people even existed**

den i got scared. i wuz afrayed hed try an stik his cock in my asshole. **Wouldn't that be considered rape?**

den he lookd at me. "whos ur frend" he sed.

"oh daz turtle" sed jesus "hes new here"

den josef winked at me. **Kinky**

"so where r u guys goin" he sed.

"we r goin to professer pilots office" sed judas. **Now it's professor pilot?**

he put his hands on his hips and an shook his hed. "dont b sad" he sed. den he clicked his fingers an did a little turn. "rainbow!" he sed an a rainbow shot out of his fingers an it went over us. lil sparky things fell on us. we felt so happy. **RAINBOW**


	28. Calling God

ch 28 we in truble

we wuz in pumpass pilots office an he had da telephone out. "now b4 i call ur parants i want 2 know da situashun" **NOT OUR PARENTS I HAVE A CLEAN RECORD.**

"those chillin an dat nigger shot me an it wuz not ingoyable at all!" sed snape. **0/10 would not ingoy again**

pumpass pilot jumped out of his seat "IS DIS TRUE MR. CHRIST! I AM SHOCKED!" **No you're not.**

"its bcuz he attaked us" sed mary margerine

"no i didnt" sed snape **LIAR!**

"well ur a teecher so you must b right" sed pumpass pilot. **Logical!**

"we were in da lab" sed judas

"what were u doin in da lab" sed piolet. **Stuff**

"we were makin fried chikin" i sed

"fried chikin?" sed pumpass pilot "wuts dat? is it a type of drug" **YEAH SON IT'ZZ A DRUG**

"yes" sed snape evillhy. **Snape gets it!**

"well ive herd enuff" sed pilot "im tired of u kids walkin around smokin ur fried chikin an blarin ur "clasikel" music (AN: see bcuz soulja boi hadnt ben inveted yet)" **Well neither was jesus.**

den he dialed da phone. it rang. den god piked it up. **:O he's dialing god even though phones didn't fucking exist!**

"mr christ" sed pilor "im here 2 inform u dat ur son has been causin truble"

"wut" sed god. **You heard me**

"have u herd of dis new drug called "fried chikin"?" sed pilot

"fried chikin? wuts dat?" sed god.

"aparantyly des kids were makin it in da lab. den profesor snape like da good teecher he is came to stop dem. an dey shot him. im now afrayed 2 inform u dat ur son has been suspended for a cuple of days"

"i am suprised" sed god "im sorry dat my son is so emoture" **Emoture?**

den pilot hung up.

"now mr christ. go out an wait for your father 2 pick u up" he sed. **No.**

jesus went out lookin all sad. den a beem of light came down. an dere wuz god lookin like an angry 50 cent about to pop a cap in someones ass. he grabed jesus an dey went 2 heven.

den pilot picked up da phone again an called... MY MAMA. **NO MY MAMA GON BEAT MY ASS EVEN THOUGH SHE DOESN'T EXIST YET!**

"hello? miss buu jackson?"

"who is dis?" she sed

"dis is pumpass pilot." sed pumpass pilot. "i am da dumbledoor of da hogwats skool"

"OH MY GOD OH MY GOD" she yelled. **OH MY GOD OH MY GOD YOU GUYS.**

"my bois in skool?" sed my mama. **Yes, this is a surprise to her**

"yes. an now hes suspended. i need u 2 pik him up"

den judas wispahed in pumpass pilots ear. **"You're dumb"**

"WUT" he sed "hes frum da future!? den dis cant be happening!" an da phone disapeared. **The phone disappeared because it wasn't invented yet?**

"well obviosuly he cant b picked up" sed snape "den he shud go in da loins den... for 24 HOURS" **12 million years dungeon!**

"dat sounds sounds like a great idea!" sed pumpass pilot an 2 gaurds grabed me an put me in da loins den. **loins den. sounds fantastic**


	29. Da Loins Den

ch 29 da loins den

da loins were cummin towards me. dey were big an yellow. **As opposed to being white?**

an dey wanted 2 eat me. **No, they just want to be freinds!**

den i realised... dey didnt take my gun away! so i took out my gun an my wand an started firen. but da bullets an magik ust bounced off! dey werent loins at all! dey wuz... DETHEATERS! **It's always deatheathers right?**

"OH NO DEY GOT ME" i sed. den i herd somedn from above.

"wutchu goin down dere turtle" somone sed. it wuz... JOSEF!1 **JOSEF! :D**

"HELP DERE GONNA KILL ME" i sed. **NO DON'T HELP**

"no dey wont!" den he clicked his heels an did a lil turn "rainbow!" an a rainbow came out of his hands. den all da detheaters stopped an started havin gay sex with eachodder. **I don't even. Also what kind of heels and are they cute?**

"CLIMB UP" sed josef. an i did.

"tank u" i sed

"ur welcom" he sed an jumped down in da pit. **Why would you do that?**

"have a nice time!" i sed 2 josef wavin. den i took out my wand an my gun. i had unfinished bussiness with snape. **Time to shoot a niqqa**


	30. Jezebel, the Hebrew Princess

ch 30 da secret clssrom. **Great**

in an empty classrom snape wuz sittin at da front desk in front of a bunch of students. **Why isn't snape in jail yet?**

"now u no why i brot u here 2day" he sed. **No we don't**

" i ned u 2 be my eyes an eers in dis skool an keep an eye on jesus an his gang so dat dey dont start noddin" **-Nods-**

in front of his were children.

golith who wuz a bigass muthafukka. **Goliath!**

jezibel who wuz a whore. **The princess Jezebel?**

harod who wuz all rite (but he wuz evil) **Hagrid? Harold?**

and josefs many brothers

"alrite" sed golith takin a bite out of his baby. **Why do they eat babies here?**

"okay" sed harid takin a baby out of a sack an breakin its neck. **Ow**

"thats fine" sed jezibel bendin ova a table an havin sex wit josefs many brodders. but no 1 cud heer her cuz she had a cock in her mouth. **How are they letting this happen?**

"from now on i am makin an oragnisation dat u must pass down to ur chuildren. an dat meens u jezebel." sed snape "frum now on... u will be nown as... DA DETHETTERS" **Yay**

"okay can we go now" sed jimbolia (1 of josefs many brodders) **Jumbalaya?**

"wait" sed snape. "u must never tell any1 of dis classroom. it must remain a secret. an from now on it shall be known ass... THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS!1" **known ass?**


	31. Achilles

ch 31 turtle kix da shit outa a bigass mutta

da meetin oin da chamber of secrets wuz dismissed. but i didnt no dat bcuz i didnt know about da chamber of secrets or wut snape wuz doin yet. **I see.**

den i saw dis bigass motherfuka pikin on sum kids. he wuz throwin dem around an hittin dem into eachother. **Big ass motherfucker? HAGRID?**

"hey! stop dat!" i sed. den he turned around.

"i know u" he sed in a bigass muthafuka voice. "snape told me 2 keep an eye out 4 u. shudnt u be in da loins den?" **Yeah it's hagrid**

"yeh but all da detheatters he brot from da future are now havin gay butt sex with josef" i sed **Amazing**

"DAM" he sed. "i gess im gona have 2 kick yo ass" he nocked da gun out of my hand. i tryed 2 shot him wit magik but it cudnt go thru his bigass muthafuka skin. **Impossible, unless your skin is bullet resistant.**

den he pulled out his wand an stared shotin me but i reflected it wit da magik sheeld dat mary tot me. but da magik still cudnt thru his bigass muthafuka skin. **Damn dude.**

so we both used our wand blades. i wuz faster an i cut his bigass muthafuka skin bcuz a wandblade cud cut thru anyting. **Logical**

"AH" he sed an cut my blak skin dat wuz shiny wit swet. **As opposed to white skin?**

"AH" i sed den i jumped up an wuz about 2 cut his face in 2 but he bloked an thru me away. i layed dere like a cat. he wuz stabbin at me wit his wand blade but i rolled an cut his ankel. **WAIT IS THIS ACHILLES?**

"AH " he sed an den turned around an slashed. i bloked. den he slashed an it wuz so hard i went 2 my knees. **Yeah this might be achilles**

everyone wuz gatherin around. dey were booing at golieth an cheerin 4 me. **boo goliath**

den dere wuz a crack. goliath spat mouth nose an ears. an den he fell ova ded. **Ew.**

dere wuz a bigass rock in da back of his hed.

it wuz one of da boys he wuz pikin on. his name wuz david. "TAKE DAT MUTHAFUKA" he sed. **DAVID! :D**

den snape came in. "WUT DA FUCK IS GOIN ON HERE" he sed. but he cudnt see us yet cuz we were in da middle of da students. "golieth? why r u laying down right dere? sudnt u b in class?" **No, i'm dead**

david tapped me on da shoulder. "he cant see us yet. lets go hide out in babyl tower." an we did. **Babel Tower**


	32. Noah Ark

ch 32 bak to da room

me an david were wakkin up da many stairs until we came 2 da ravenclaw picture. but it wasnt a picture. it wuz a dragen.

"u cant cum in unless ur in ravenclaw" it sed. **yeah if you're not ravenclaw GET OUT**

"im in ravenclaw" sed david

"an ill be in ravenclaw in da fututre" i sed. **But you're not in ravenclaw now so you can't come in.**

"ok u can cum in" it sed. an we did. **How can a painting understand the laws of time?**

dere were pillows everywere an goatppl. **Goat people?**

it wuz really anchent lookin. den a old man wit a bred came up 2 me.

"who r u" i sed

"im noah. noah ark" he sed "wut r u doin here" **NOAH?! Also, Noah's last name is not ark**

"oh plz mr ark" sed david "me an turtle r hidin from snape. well b here for a while"

"oh i never liked snape" sed noah "he seems kinda evil to me" **Yeah he's supposed to be**

'well be hidin out here for a while" sed david

"theyll b lookin up her. so u need to hide in da upper levels wit da monsters an da demons" **Monster and Demons and Arks OH MY.**

"wut" i sed.

"when god wuz goin to flood da world he told me to build an ark. but i built dis tower insted. we all went to da top, but so did all da monsters an demons god wuz tryin to kill. den on da last day he sent a raven 2 claw my eyes out. so i decided to call dis house ravenclaw. an dats why we have monsters up dere." he sed. **Damn, that actually kinda makes since in the story of Ravenclaw.**

"wow" i sed. i wuz amased.

"but deres still more" sed noah "a great woserd once made a stone dat gave ppl magikal powers. an he called it da wiserd stone. an he put at da top of da tower. an to make sure dat no one cud get it he made da demons an monsters more powers. it can turn anyting into anyting else." **Then that means...**

"if da wiserd stone can change anyting into anyting..." i sed "...den maybe i can use it to invent fried chikin!" i sed. **EXACTLY!**

"hey david" i sed "we sud go an try an find da wiserd stone"

"dat sounds dangerous" sed david "we might need sum wepons" he went in his room an came bak wit a slingshot. "okay lets go" **How is a slingshot going to work?**

i took out my gun an my wand "ya lets go" i sed an we went up da stairs.

"dont forget to lock dat big magik door wen you go so dat da monsters dont cum in here!" sed noah.


	33. Much Grenade Such Explosion

ch 33 in da tower part 1

we were in da upper level of da tower above da common room. it wuz blak. we cudnt see anyting. denn... a monster wit glowin green eyes jumped at david. dey were wrestlin on da ground. i wondered why he cudnt see me. den i realised. it wuz dark. an i wuz blak. so he cudnt see me. **Black and Dark are two different things.**

david shoved a grenade in his mouth. "TAKE DIS MOUTHAFUKKA" he sed an den he hit his he so dat da monsters hed esplosded. he flew across da room. in da light of da esplosion i saw sat dere wuz not just one monster. der wuz a gajillion of dem! **Impossible**

an dragens. an demons. an bats. but dey werent regular bats. dey were... VAMPIRES! **HOLY SHIT**

"HOLY SHIT" sed david

i put my hands up an made my magik sheeld. "NOW DIE" i sed an pushed da sheeld toward dem. 50 of da monsters were runnin towards us an dey vaporized. **-fizzle sizzle-**

den a vampire put up his sheeld an dey hit in da middle. dere wuz a huge esplosion. da hole tower shook. **BOOSH**

"wut wuz dat" sed pumpass piolet down in da common room. **Nothing**

"im sure it wuz nottin" sed noah.

"oh ok" sed pilot.

den i took out my wand blade. "COVA ME" i sed

"OK" sed david an put a grenade in his slingshot.

i ran at a monster. he took out his sord of evil. i cudnt sut throu it so he blocked. put as i wuz doin dat 20 more vampires came up behind me. so i took out my gun an shot dose muthfukkas down. den da others slashed at me so i blocked wit my gun an slashed dem in haff. den dere wuz an esplosion behind me. david blew up 10 more muthafukkas. den he put in two grenades at once an fired on eitha side of me. all of dem died. **Can someone explain what's happening?**

den a dragen came at me. i blocked hit my sheeld an all his fire went on da monsters to da other side. den i rolled an cut his hed off. but dere fire comin out of his neck an he had acid blood. i kicked da neck so dat it spred all ova da odder enemies. den i shot it wit my wand. everyone wuz on fire. i could see dem now. dere were werewolfs above my hed. dey jumped down wit two sords in each hand. but dey werent swords. dey were machine gun sords with grenade lanchers. i put up my sheeld, but dey hit it so hard dat it broke. i jumped up an cut da first one in half. den i jumped of him an attack da second one. he had his sord up but i cut through it and his hed. den i jumped off him an stabed da third one. den i grabbed one of his sords an shot one of da ones on da ceeling. i shot him so miny times dat he tiurned 2 blud an it fell on me. **Seems like quite the intense fight.**

i took dat gun an threw it at da enemys an shot it wit my wand. dere wuz a huge esplosion. flamin body parts and blood covered in asid flew toward us.

"NOW I NO I HERD SUMDEN" sed pumpass pilot

"it wus da wind" sed noah. **Yeah because someone as smart as dumbledore would believe that.**

"well i can tell dat mr buu jackson isnt here" sed pilot. "ill be leevin now" an he left. but just an he left da acid ate thru da floor an we fell thru wit all da flamin monsters. **Where did the acid come from?**

"wuts goin on here?" sed noah.

i fell out of da hole an cut one of da monsters in haff an blod sprayed everywhere. david wuz standin lookin down from da hole an shootin granades at da monsters. all da windows broke an all da glass flew intoo da monsters an children. everyone wuz runnin around scarred. excpet me an david. **Why isn't dumbledore doing anything?**

i ran along da walls an jumped an cut two werewolfs in half.

"everyone calm down" sed noah.

dere wuz a monster in da middle of da room who had a monster in each hand an wuz takin a bite out of each of dem. an da werewolfs were bitin children so dat dey bcame werewolfs. da vampires were bitin children 2. an deywere tunin into vampires. den david shot a grenade at da monster at da middle of da floor. his hed esploded. **WHY ARE THERE SO MANY GRENADES? GRENADES DIDN'T EVEN EXIST YET**

"OK. DAZ IT" sed noah. a ball of energy came between his hands an he through it. it turned into... A WHITE HOLE! an it sucked up all da monsters da furiture an a cuple of children.

den dere wuz a knock at da door.

"noah?" sed pumpass pilot "is sumden wrong in dere?"

"ill be dere in a minute!" sed noah. den he turned to us. "GET YO ASSES BACK UP DERE AN DONT DO DAT AGAIN!" **Why is noah yelling? Didn't he tell them to do that in the first place?**


	34. Josef Mengele and the chamber of secrets

ch 34 gay butt sex in da chamber of secrets. **Great.**

"WHERE WERE U" sed snape 2 some of his detheatters from da future.

"we were down in da pit havin gay butt sex" sed one of da detheatters.

"wut?" sed snape. **You heard me.**

"yeah. sum very powerful wiserd clicked his heels an did a little turn an sed "rainbow" an we felt so happy dat we wanted 2 have gay butt sex with eacheother." sed da detheatta. **That doesn't make any sense**

"who did dis?!" sed snape. **Josef Mengele**

"dis guy" sed 1 of da detheatters an he turned around. dere wuz josef havin gay butt sex in dat guys ass. **Who guy?**

"HOW DID U GET IN DA CHAMBER OF SECRETS" sed harod

"i wuz lookin around da skool 4 sum gay butt sex" sed josef "have u seen any?" **Maybe...**

"no i havnt" sed harod evilly

"NOW GO AWAY AN NEVER RETURN" sed snape "AN FORGET DAT YOU EVER WENT INTO DA CHAMBER OF SECRETS" **I forgot that the chamber of secrets was the Slitherin common room.**

"chamber of secrets?" sed josef "wuts dat"

"never mind" sed snape "now GO AWAY"

"ok" sed josef. an he did.


	35. Sack of Babies

ch 35 in da slitheryn commin room

moses wuz lookin around da slitherin commen room at all da chillin. in his hand wuz a magik staff dat turned into a snake. den he saw harod an jezebell wakkin out da door wit a shotgun.

"hey hey hey hey" he sed "u kids cant have shotguns in skool" **You can't have anything in school**

"its ok mr moses" sed harod "were not gonna hunt students. were gonna go out in da woods an shoot pupies" **WHAT?!**

"oh well i gess dats alrite den. but if ur out dere an u see dat evil nigger turtle den u had better shoot him 2 deth" sed moses. **I thought turtle was on their side? Why does everyone here hate blacks except for jesus?**

"ok" dey sed

den... A RAINBOW BUST THRU DA WINDOW !1 **RAINBOOOOOOOOOOOWWWW**

jezebell got so scared dat she had a baby. **Impossible**

"oh look anodderone" she sed an put it in her bakpack full of babies. **What?**

den josef slid down da rainbow. "hey guys were u goin" sed josef "if ur goin 2 da chamber of secrets can i cum?"

"shh" sed jebadiah (1 of josefs many brodders) **So close at spelling Jebidiah right.**

"hey look its my many brodders!" sed josef "i didnt expect 2 see u guys here!"

"chamber of sectrets?" sed moses "wuts dat"

"oh its a grate place" sed josef "were dose ppl go 2 hatch evil schemes with snape"

"WUT" sed moses an his staff into a snake. dat scared jezebel so much dat she had anodder baby which she den put into her bakpack. "UR PLOTTIN EVIL TINGS WIT SNAPE" **Yeah**

"yeh" sed josef.

den moses ran towards dem. "u cant go outside" he sed. den jezebell hit him ova da hed wit her sack of babies. **Ow?**

"ow" he sed den fell ova in pain "i gess u kids rly r evil..." den hared poped a cap in his ass. den he he started wrigglin around in pain.

"quik lets get out of here" sed jezebell an jezebell harod an josefs many brodders ran away.

"josef..." sed moses

"yes" he sed

"u were right... here take dis staff an stop dem..." den he fell asleep.

"tanks" sed josef an looked it up an down "i no wut imma do wit dis" **OH MY GOD NO.**


	36. The dude from Muscle March

ch 36 da gay samariten

josef at da hufflepuff table eattin fruit loops becuz it wuz his favorite cereal bcuz dey reminded him of fruity gay buttholes. **Fruit loops is muggle cereal. And I'm never eating fruit loops again**

he wuz sittin an tinkin about da staff dat moses gave him den some1 sat down beside josef wit a big bowl of fruitloops.

"why hello josef" he sed.

"oh hello bradberry" sed josef. bradberry had a mustash an a fancy monical an a colorful top hat. **Oh you fancy huh?**

"how r u" sed bradberry.

"fabulos" sed josef

"fabulos!" sed bradberry. **FABULOUS**

den a big muscular man wit a rainbow thong walked past dem. **OH MY GOD IS THAT THE GUY FROM MUSCLE MARCH?**

"oh hey steven" sed josef. **Steven?!**

"oh hey" sed steven flewing hois gay arms. **As opposed to straight arms?**

"u look tubled. have u had ur gay buttsex 2day?"

"well i-" sed josef but dey were interuppted by da hed of hufflepuf sittin down.

"hello children" he sed.

"hello mr samariten" all da hufflepuffs sed. but he wasnt da good samartian. he wuz da gay samariten. bcuz when he wuz little he grew u wit da good samaritan da grumpy samaritan da dopey samariten da happy samariten an all da odders. **THE SEVEN DWARVES?**

"HEY FAGGOT" sed someone on da slitherin table. den everyone on da hufflepuff table turned bcuz dey were all gay. "are u talkin 2 me" dey all sed.

"hey!" sed anodder hufflypuff "if dey called us den dey must have sum gay butsex wit dem!" **Logical**

"HORRAY" sed bradberry. den all da hufflepuffs got up and moved over to da slitherin tabel 4 sum gay buttsex.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" sed da sltherins. but it wuz too late. **RIP Slytherin table.**


	37. Chamber of secrets

ch37 back in da chamber of secrets

"you better watch out" sed snape "next to jesus hes da gratest wiserd dat ever lived." **Well, jesus is expelled**

de were all in da chamber of secrets. jezebell wuz so suprised dat she had a baby. harod looked at it hungrily. **What the fuck?**

"well tank u" sed josef. snape snapped around suprised.

"HOW DID U GET IN HERE" sed snape

"my friend steven broke a hole in da wall" sed josef.

"who are dey!?" sed snape. **My hoes**

"oh dese are my friends" sed josef "bradberry an steven" **Eh, same thing.**

"how do you do" sed bradberry tippin his hat. **-Tips fedora so hard an earthquake and a volcanic eruption happen at the same time-**

"hey hansome" sed steven flexin his gay mussles. **As opposed to straight muscles?**

"well were gettin tired of u" sed snape "so were gonna have to kill you"

"dont do dat!" sed josef "just be happy!" den he clicked his heels an did a little turn. "RAINBOW" **-Clicks heels- RAINBOW**

"avada kadavra" sed snape and da rainbow died. a tear went down josefs face. **How do you do avada kedavra on a rainbow?**

"dats so horrible" he sed

"dont b sad josef" sed steven "lets go have some gay buttsex." **Why do they always gotta do this?**

"ok" sed josef an dey went away.

"were gonna have to do someden about dat annoyin son of a bitch" sed snape

"but how" sed jezebell "hes da gratest wiserd since jesus"

"we dont have to worry about esus" sed snape "hes suspended. he wont be back any time soon. but harod... dis is wut well do..." **ooh secret meeting time!**


	38. Hufflepuffs password

ch 38 da atomik vibratin antimagik knife **Um?**

under his cloak harod had da most powerful antimagik knife ever made. a atomik vibratin antimagik knife. dere wuz 2 big buttcheeks. **No, just no**

"password" it sed

"gay buttsex" sed harod **WRONG**

"DATS CORRECT" sed dat huge ass. den its butt cheeks spread apart 2 reveal da hufflepuff commin room. but da hufflepuff commin room wuz... EGYPT!

dere wuz sand everywere an he cud see da penismids (wich is wut dey called da pyrimids back den) **no they didn't?**

dere were all da huffle puffs havin gay buttsex decorating and doing muikal theater.

den... steven threw his big arms around him. **What I do to my best friend who just happens to be gay.**

"hey cutie" he sed "i havent seen u before." **"Yeah ASL?" "19/F/Hogwarts" "Cull"**

"hey hes probably lookin for sum gay buttsex!" sed one of da other hufflepuffs

"HORRAY" sed bradberry an all da hufflepuffs ran up to harod 4 sum gay buttsex.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" sed harod. but it wuz 2 late. **NOOOOOOOOOOO**

"hey look he has a vibrator!" sed one of da hufflepuffs pullin his cock out of harods ass. it wuz da atomic vibratin antimagik knife. he switched it on an shoved it up harods ass. **Ow?**


	39. Harods broken butthole

ch 39 harods broken butthole

"DEY RAPED MI BUTT HOLE" sed harod. he wuz standin up in da chamba of sectrets cuz he cudnt sit down. his ass wuz in a cast becuz it had been ripped apart by da cocks of hufflepuufs an da atomik vibratin antimagik knife which wuz shoved so far up his butthole dat doktas sed dat dey cud neva find it. **Jesus christ that must hurt. No comment on the rape part...**

"wut" sed snape "but did u manage to kill josef" **No**

"kill me?" sed josef who wuz standin in da corner of da room wit steven an bradberry. **Gaspu!**

"hey hansome" sed steven **Hey sexy u3u**

"i had a FABULOS time yesterday" sed bradberry **How fabulous?**

"u shud cum by more often" sed josef

harod turned around an put his butt in a corner so dat dey cudnt have buttsex wit him. **The struggle**

"i underestimated you josef!" sed snape "but 1 day youll regret dis"

"untill dat day can we have butt sex?" sed josef

"4 DA LAST TIME NO" sed snape **Why not bby?**

"well well just down here in case u change ur mind" dey sed an sat at sum of da desks.

den snape went up to harod an jezebell an josefs many brodders an wispad so dat josef cudnt hear dem.

"we have 2 do someden about dem soon. its obviously not safe to send a man in dere... but... maybe u jezebell... **Oooooooh whispering!**


	40. Josef turns straight

ch 40 josefs not so colorful coat

jezebell wuz hidin in josefs room. it wuz rly dark. den josef came in. **Why was she hiding?**

"tank u bradberry. i had a wunderful time" he sed

"fabulos!" sed bradberry. **Fabulous!**

"fabulos!" sed steven.

den he closed da door. it wuz dark again. den josef stopped.

"whos dere" sed josef **Your mom. Hahaha**

"... butt sex" sed jezebell **The magic word!**

"HORRAY" sed josef an jumped in da bed.

... da night past. an den da sun came up ova eygpt. **I forgot that hufflepuff is now egypt **

"ah" sed josef gettin up "im tired frum all dat gay buttsex." an den he looked ova. it wuz... JEZEBELL! **hE JUST HAD SEX WITH A GIRL**

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" sed josef. da screem ekhoed across eygpt qan hogwarts. **-GASP-**

"wut wuz dat?" sed pumpass pilot sittin in his office.

den jezebell started laffin. she laffed so hard dat she had a baby. **Ew**

josef jumped up. he wuz lookin horrified. slowly his coat turned from rainbow colored to gray. **Damnit! Now he's just a useless Auschwitz member!**

"rain cloud..." he sed. an a little rainbow formed above him an started rainin on him. **Aww...**

den... he turned around an rain out of da penismid.

"hey! were r u goin?" sed steven.

"leeve me alone" sed josef **YEAH LEAVE ME ALONE**

"aww wuts wrong" sed steven "do u want sum gay butt sex?"

"NO" sed josef. den everybody turned around. **He said no OH MY GOD**

"WUT" dey all sed. den dey started wisperin. "josef dont want no gay buttsex..." **I know it's tragic right?**

"what ever is da matter" sed bradberry.

"JUST LEEVE ME ALONE" sed josef an den he forced himself thru da buttcheeks an ran away.


	41. Update

**Next week I'm going to China for vacation from the 11th to the 17th so I won't be able to update that much during that time. I'll try to finish about 15 chapters this week so I don't have so much to do when I get back**


	42. second qart of the qlan

ch 41 da second qart of da qlan. **The qart of the qlan? Think you got your P's and Q's mixed up.**

"mission accomplished" sed jezebell. **Yes!**

"good" sed snape. "now all we have to worry about is dat damn turtle"

"i hear hes in da tower of babel" sed harod

"wuts he doin dere" sed snape **Nothing**

"hes goin to da top so dat he can get da wiserd stone" sed jezebell. **Oh you mean that stone**

"oh" sed vadermort reechin into his poket "u meen... dis?" he held up... DA WISERD STONE! **GASP**

all da dethetters were amased. den dey all started laffin evilly.

"now for da second part of r plan" sed snape.


	43. Gay buttsex party

42 da invitation

steven wuz sittin on da sand in da hufflepuff commenroom flewin his big gay muscles an doin musikal theter. den bradberry walked up. **I really like the name bradberry**

"steven! i just got dis invitation from da slitherins 4 a gay butt sex party by da lake" he sed. **Gay buttsex party?**

"fabulos!" sed steven "i got one 2!"

"so did i!" sed another hufflepuff.

"so did we!" sed all da other hufflepuffs.

"fabulos!" sed bradberry **Fabulous!**

"gay butt sex party?" sed da gay samaritin. "dosent dat seem a little suspicious?" **-Cough- No -cough-**

"who would lie about gay butt sex?" sed steven **No one, thats who**

"oh ur right" sed da gay samaritin "lets go get ready" an dey all rushed into da penismids to get ready. dey were puttin on cowboy hats dat looked like giant penises an dey were packing vibrators an sex toys into rainbow colored suit cases. bradberry wuz puttin stuff under his hat. **I wish all hats were shaped like penises**

den da gay samaritin shoved dem all up up his asshole (not rly cuz dats stretchin it a bit). **I like how we never know the gay samaritan's name. Yet they were so close at spelling samaritan right!**


	44. Pirates

ch 43 da shiqs of hufflequff. **Again with replacing P's with Q's**

all da hufflepuffs were at da lake gettin ready 4 da party. dey were wavin dere cocks around in da air gettin dem nice and big. **Yeah, very subtle way to get hard.**

"where are all da slitherins?" sed steven "if dey arent here soom well have 2 start without dem"

den... far out on da lake... dere were some things.

"wut r dose?" sed bradberry. den dey saw. it wuz da slitherins on ships holdin swords an wands an machine guns. an at da head of da first ship wuz... HAROD! **OH SHIT**

"my my how the tables have turned" he sed "now YOU are the ones dat are going to be fucked!" **YAY!**

"HORRAY" sed bradberry.

"no" sed harod "i mean im about to kill u" **Damnit**

"oh..." sed bradberry. he wuz lookin sad. **-cries tears of rainbows-**

"AH!" sed da gay samariten "its not going to be dat easy! u are about to lern da gratest secret of da hufflepuffs! not only are we gay..." den he took out a cutlass an removed his leg to show a wooden penis shaped pegleg underneth. "WERE ALSO PIRATES!" now all da huffle puffs were takin out swords an wands an gettin ready to fight. da gay samariten took out his big black dildo wand an waved it around in da air. "PIRATE SHIPS" he sed an pirate ships appeared in da lake. all da hufflepuffs were raisin da sails an manning da poop deck an gettin on da canons. **What?**

"shiver me timbers" sed bradberry "it seems dat were going to war"


	45. Actual crying in the Actual forest

ch 44 actual cryin in da forest

josef wuz sittin in da forgotten forest wit a raincloud ova his hed. da wild puppies were lickin his toes but he didnt want to pet dem. **PET THE PUPPIES DAMNIT.**

den a beam of light came down from heaven... it wuz... JESUS! **Hi jesus!**

"wut r u doin josef?" sed jesus

"just leeve me alone..." sed josef

"wuts da matter?" sed jesus

"... i had sex wit a woman" sed josef

"OH MY GOD. R U ALRITE?" sed jesus. **See, jesus cares.**

"... no" sed josef

"who did dis?" sed jesus

"it wuz jezebell" sed josef **That bitch!**

"oh dont worry" sed jesus "hes had sex wit so many men its like u had sex wit a man too" **Whoreeeeeeeeeee**

"dat doesnt make me feel any better" sed josef

"but josef" sed jesus "u have to get up! da slitherins led hufflepuff into a trap! dere all gonna die witout u leadin dem!" **I don't care...**

"i dont care" sed josef an da rain poured down harder. **I like how it only rains on his parade.**

"but josef" sed jesus puttin an arm around josef "dont u remember why u invented gay buttsex in da first place?" **Flashback time!**

den josef had a flashback.

AN: reed to da next chapta to see da flashback. **No.**


	46. Buttsex wasn't invented yet

ch 45 flashback qart 1

AN: dis is a flash back to josefs childhood.

"FAGGOT" sed jimboba (1 of josefs many brothers) an pushed josef into pombis (another one of josefs many brothers). **Who names their child jimboba and pombis?**

"ull never get into hogwarts" sed pombis an pushed him into another brother. josef wuz cryin an dere wuz a raincloud ova his hed. **Too bad he did.**

"now now boys leave poor josef alone" sed an old woman.

"but grandma hes such a faggot" sed one of his brodders.

"oh no hes not. now all you kids go pack 4 skool." sed da grandma den all of his brothers ran towards da house. **Yay grandma**

"oh josef" sed da gandma "will you cum here for a minute?" **No**

josef stopped. da raincloud wuz still pourin down. grandma picked him up an put him on her knee.

"now i want to give u somthing josef" an she pulled out a coat "dis is a special multicolored cloak"

den josef looked at it. "but grandma" he sed "dis cloak isnt multicolored. its gray."

"oh its multicolored alright" she sed "ull see dat when time cums." **Oooh magic**

josef took it rly happily. "tank u grandma" he sed.

"now i dont care wut ur brothers say." she sed "i believe ull oneday bcum a great wiserd. an ull bring honor to ur family name. bcuz u are Josef Gay Buttsex. **We learned his last name! But wait, if buttsex wasn't invented yet how is it his last name?**

josef put da cloak on an da raincloud went away.

"do u know why i like u so much josef?" she sed **No**

"no grandma. why?" sed josef.

"bcuz u remind me of my late husband Gay. dats why u were named after him. he wuz such a happy man. and a great wiserd." **Your husband's name was Gay?**

(later dat week at da train station)

josef wuz silently wakkin thru da crowd to da train. den when he turned around he bumped into a muscular boy with a mulicolored thong.

"excuse me" sed josef

"its no problem cutie" sed da boy.

"wuts ur name" sed josef

"im steven" sed steven **OH MY GOD IT'S STEVEN**

"im josef" sed josef.

den a multicolored top hat flew by dem on da wind.

"MY HAT!" yelled a boy wit a monicule an a moustache.

josef caught it. "here u go" he sed.

"FABULOS!" sed da boy. "wuts ur name?"

"im josef" sed josef.

"an im steven" sed steven

"im bradberry" sed bradberry. **Bradberry 333333333**

"ALL ABORD" sed da train driver. den as dey were gettin on a beam of light came from da sky an a boy flew down it. "tank u daddy!" he sed.

"have fun at skool" sed a booming voice.

den everyone got on da train.

josef steven an bradberry sat down in a room on da train.

"wut house do u hope u get into" josef asked steven

"i dunno" sed steven

"i think it wud b fabulos 2 b in hufflepuff" sed bradberry. "dey all seem so happy"

"yes dey all a gay bunch" sed steven.

den dere wuz a knock on da door. dere wuz a boy with long hair standin wit a suitcase he made out of wood.

"can i sit here" he sed.

"sure" sed steven. an da boy sat down.

"wuts ur name" sed josef

"im jesus christ." he sed "i want to be in griffondoor like my dad wuz"

den he looked at josef "who are u"

"im josef buttsex" sed josef "an dese are my friends steven an bradberry."

"how do u do" sed bradberry.

den dere wuz ANOTHER knock at da door. dere wuz a boy an a girl at da door.

"sorry to bother u" sed da girl "but dere are no free seats left. can we sit with you? im mary margerine."

"an judas killchrist" sed da boy. **Judas' last name is killchrist?**

"dat wud be fabulos" sed bradberry.

"yes indeed" sed steven.

"here u can sit down bside me" sed jesus pattin da seat bside him.

but josef didnt want to talk to anybody.

den jesus looked ova at him.

"hey why are u so sad" sed jesus

"no reason" sed josef

"common dere has 2 be a reason" sed jesus

"my brodders pick on me" sed josef

"but now ur at hogwarts so dey cant bother u" sed jesus

"but dere goin b at hogwarts" sed josef **They are?**

"oh" sed jesus "well dont worry. im one of da best wiserds for my age" **That's because you're jesus**

"so am i" sed josef

"hey dats something we have in common. maybe we can in da same house" sed jesus **No you can't**

"id like dat" sed josef


	47. Josef invents gay buttsex

46 flashback qt 2

da train stopped an everyone got off. dere wuz a big lake in front of da skool.

"how r we supposed to get across" sed josef **Swim**

"dats my job" sed a man wit a berd. "im proessor moses"

he lifted his staff up an da lake parted. **Ah I see**

"now u may cross" he sed.

"jesus wuts dis lake called" sed josef

"oh dis is da red sea. moses parts it every years 4 da first years." sed jesus **Ah the red sea of course.**

den dey all went into da great hall.

"hello first years!" sed pumpass pilot "welcome to skool district 7! let da sorting begin!" **There are more districts of hogwarts?**

pilot put da hat on bradberry a steven. it sed hufflepuff 4 both of dem.

"HORRAY" sed bradberry.

"fabulos" sed steven.

"jesus christ" sed da sortin hat. den jesus came up. "griffondoor" sed da hat.

"judas killchrist" sed da sortin hat. den judas came up. "griffondoor" sed da hat. **I wouldn't let someone with the last name killchrist into the same house as Jesus**

"mary margerine" sed da sortin hat. den mary came up. "griffondoor" sed da hat.

"golith sanders" sed da sortin hat. den dis big ass mothafukka came up. "slitherin" sed da hat. golith laffed in a big ass mutha fukka voice. **I didn't know someone could have a "big ass motherfucker voice"**

"jezebell slutborn" sed da sortin hat. den dis whore came up. "slitherin" sed da hat. **Slutborn :D**

"harod potter" sed da sortin hat. den dis other guy came up. "slitherin" sed da hat. **I like this. Harry was originally supposed to be in Slytherin since he is supposedly the heir to Salazar. +1 for you Jo Bekke.**

"jimbolia buttsex" sed da sortin hat. den one of josefs many brodders came up. "slitherin" sed da hat.

"drake buttsex. slitherin."

"octavian buttsex. slitherin."

"reff buttsex. slitherin." den dey called all of da rest of josefs many brodders an dey were all put in slitherin.

"josef buttsex" sed da sortin hat.

"no..." sed josef "i dont want to be in slitherin..." he felt a raincloud form over his head.

"HUFFLEPUFF!" sed da sortin hat. **YAY**

"HORRAY!" sed bradberry.

josef wuz happy but he wuz sad dat he wuzznt in da same house as jesus. he looked ova but jesus wuz too busy takkin to da other grifoondoors. so josef wakked to da hufflepuff tabel.

"ur wit us now!" sed bradberry an steven gave him a big musculer hug.

den da raincloud stopped an josef felt happy. after dey sorted everybody pilot sed "now dat everyones sorted go to sleep."

da gay samariten sed "come on children. lets go to da comminroom." an he lead dem away.

dey went down a long stair case until dey came to da big stone buttcheeks.

"dese r da gates of hufflepuff" he sed. josef wuz amazed.

"how do we get in?" sed josef.

"u say da password" sed da gay samariten "let me in" he sed an da cheeks spred apart. josef wuz more amased. da commin room wuz... EGYPT!

"dont be too amased yet" sed da gay samariten an mader sure dat da buttcheeks were closed tight.

"now i am going to tell u da secret of hufflepuff" he sed "r house is da secret pirate navy of hogwarts. everyday u will engage in secret pirate classes. can u all say ahoy?" **I'm pretty sure they don't have secret pirate classes at Hogwarts.**

"ahoy" dey all sed. but bradberry sed horray.

time passed an josef grew happier but he wuz still sad. he had his two best friends but he still never found out why his grandma called his coat multicolored.

den one day dey were wakkin around in da penismids... when...

"OH NO MY MONOICAL?" sed brad berry

"wut happened" sed steven

"i sat down an my monical went up my asshole!" sed bradberry "i cant reach it wit my fingers" ** The struggle right?**

"let me try" sed steven an put his fingers up his ass. "i cant quite reach it"

"let me try" sed josef

"please hurry its goin in deeper" sed bradberry.

josef tried to get it wit his middle finger but it slipped away.

"is dere nothing long enough to reach it?" sed steven. den josef got an idea. he waved his cock around in da air until it wuz nice an big. den he shoved it up bradberrys asshole.

"wut r u doing back dere" sed bradberry. josefwrapped da monicals chain around his cock an pulled it out.

"HORRAY" sed bradberry

"ur da smartest wiserd ive eva nown!" sed steven.

"u know wut" sed josef "dat actually felt pretty good"

"yeah it did" sed bradberry. den josef had an idea. he ran into his room an started drawin blueprints. he stayed in dere for days an days.

"i wonder wut josefs doin in dere" sed bradberry

"i dont know" sed steven

den da door urst open an josef ran out.

"I HAVE INVENTED DA GREATEST INVENTION EVER INVENTED" sed josef

"HORRAY" sed bradberry

"wut is it" sed steven

"its where u stick ur cock in another mans asshole" sed josef. **Oh my god I wonder what that's called?**

"dats crazy" sed bradberry "u cant do dat"

"itll never work" sed steven

"it will work" sed josef "and ill name it after my grandfather. ill call it... GAY BUTT SEX" **GASP**

"well how does it work" sed bradberry

"ill show u" sed josef an he stcuk his cock in bradberrys asshole.

"hey dis is pretty good" sed bradberry and he stuck his cock in steven asshole.

"woah!" sed steven an he stuck his cock in josefs asshole. dey sat around havin gay buttsex.

all da hufflepuffs gathered around.

"wut r u doing" dey sed

"were havin gay butt sex" ssed josef

"gay butt sex" dey sed "wuts dat"

josef showed dem, an den dey all started doing it! even da gay samariten!

"we should show dis to da dumbledoor!" sed da gay samariten. den he lead josef bradberry an steven to pumpass pilots office.

"wut is it dis time, gay samariten!?" sed pumpass pilot "im here havin an important talk wit da wiserd nobel prize president!"

"dis student has invented sumtin rly amasin" sed da gay samariten "its call gay butt sex"

"gay butt sex?" sed pilot "wuts dat?"

den dey demonstarted it for dem.

"im not dat impressed" sed pilot

"WUT R U TALKIN ABOUT PUMPASS" sed da president "DATS DA GRATEST TING IVE EVA SEEN! IN FACT IM GONNA GIVE U DA WISERD NOBEL PRIZE AWARD FOR DIS" **Seriously is pumpass supposed to be dumbledore or what?**

"HORRAY" sed bradberry.

later in da great hall josef presented gay butt sex to all da ppl in hogwarts. dey were amased.

"JOSEF JOSEF JOSEF" dey all cheered as he got his medal. except 4 da slitherins. "faggots" dey sed. **Lol fk slytherins right?**

den josef felt sometin wellin up inside of him. he didnt know wut it wuz. den... his coat slowly turned from gray to multicolored. den he realised... he wuz happy... mabey even... "gay".

den he clicked his heels an did a little turn. "RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINBBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWW!1111" he sed. an a bigass rainbow went over everyone. dey felt so happy. **YAY**

(dis is da end of da flashback)

josef sat dere an da raincloud went away. his coat turned multicolored again.

"ur right jesus... i cant let dem all down. dere my friends." sed josef

"good" sed jeses "were da two greatest wiserds da world has eva known. together we can beet slitherin easily."

"no" sed josef "dis is personal."

den agerly he sed "RAINBOW" an a rainbow flew across da woods. we got on it an slid towards da battlefeild.

jesus stood there watchin him go. but den... he felt as if somden dark wuz happinin somewere else... **Oooh cliffhanger. Also what the fuck is turtle doing this whole time? I think he died again.**


	48. Buu is back yaaaas

47 authers note

!1AUTHERS NOTE!1

i have sum horrifyin news. i will not b able to post any more chaptas until tanksgivin. **How is that horrifying?**

I KNOW. UR GONNA BE SAD. an i no ur all probably sayin "no marquez! u can cum live wit me!" **WAIT I KNOW A MARQUEZ. IS THIS HIM?**

but i cant. i have to go live wit my mammas babys daddy for a cupel of months an hes too poor to afford a computer. i may update sometimes if i can go to my local library (were u can find fantastik books like imma wiserd harry potter an da bible)

wait... wuts dat,,, deres someone at my door! ... its...

"hi marquez" **Omg author insert!**

oh my god! its soulja spirit buu jackson! an is dat jesus bhind u? **OMG BUU IS BACK FINALLY YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS**

"yes an no. ur gonna have to find out 4 urself. u betta catch up marquez. im already goin back to da future!"

wow. dat sounds excition. but wiat... wuts dat in da corner? deres a rainbow cummin out of it! its josef!

"hi marquez"

wwhatchu doin here josef

"im lookin for sum gay butt sex. have u seen any?" **Oh Josef.**

oh josef, u queer little white boy.

i gess dis goodbye for now. stay tuned 4 sum more chapters of imma wiserd! deyll be cummin out sumtime neer tankgivin. josef? is dere somtin u want 2 add?

"yeah. to all you readers out there, remeber dis: sum butt sex a day keeps da darklord away!"

hahahahaha

!1AUTHERS NOTE!1


	49. JK Rowling is a guy now

48 da AUTHERS RETUrn

j.r. rollins wuz sittin at home in england riting da next harry potter book. he wuz sad bcuz his favorit athor had nut posted any new chaptas loately an he had been chekin everyday. **WAIT J.K. ROWLING IS A GUY NOW?**

"i cannot believe i haf 2 wait until tanksgivin" he sed rly sadly an went bak 2 ritin da next hary potter book.

den he stopped. an cheked agin. den... DERE WUZ A NEW CHAPTA!

"OH MY GOD" he sed jumpin out of his seet "MARUEZ JACKSON IS BACK" **YAAAAS**

he wuz about 2 reed da next chapta wehn... dere wuz a flash of lite! turte wuz standin in da middle of da room!

"were am i" sed turtle **YAAAS BUU**

now j.r. rollins wuz rly amased! "hey! i no u! arnt u soulja spirit buu jackson?!"

"yes i am" sed turtle

den... j. r. rollins looked at da floor bside turtle "isnt dat jesus?!" sed j.r. rollins

"shh!" sed turtle "ull spoil it 4 everybody!"

"wutchu doin here" sed j.r. rollins

"im goin bak frum da present 2 da past" sed turtle

"but dat hasnt happined in da story!" sed j.r. rollins

"i no. marquez jackson isnt ritin it fast enough" sed turtle **Ikr. Damnit marquez**

"U MET DA REEL MARQUEZ JACKSON?!" sed j.r. rollins.

"i sho did" sed turtle "i just met him while going to da future!"

"i luv marquez jackson!" sed j. r. rollins "hes mi insporation!" **Oh great.**

"well" sed turtle lookin arund "i haff 2 get bak 2 hogwarts"

"rly" sed j.r. rollins

"rly" sed turtle

"well i gess ill be reedin about u later" sed j.r. rollins

"goodbi" sed turtle. an dere wuz another flash o lite. an he wuz gone.


	50. What is happening oh my god

49 battle on da nile

da poop deck wuz lookin all shitty. **hahaha GET IT BECAUSE POOP DECK?!**

dere were guts an hufflepuff bodies dat were cut in haff. **Ew.**

"dis isnt fabulos at all" sed one of da hufflepuff bodies. den he died. **RIP**

da slitherins had pushed da hufflepuffs bak 2 da hufflepuff comminroom an dey were now fightin on da nile river.

steven had 1 of da machine guns an wus firin da skittle bullets at one of da slitheyn ships. **Skittle bullets!**

"TASTE DA RAINBOW MUTHAFUKKA" he sed.

"FIRE DA CANONS" sed da gay samaratin

"AYE AYE" sed bradberry an fired da canon at da slytherin ship. it shot rainbow colored lazors. dere wuz a big esplosion an bodies were goin everywere. **Oh god**

"WE GOT 1" sed da gay samariten

"HORAY" sed 1 of da hufflpuffs but den wuz cut in haff by an enemy machin gun.

"WILSON" sed anodder hufflepuff. "NOOO" he fell 2 his knees cryin. **rip wilson**

den da gay samariten grabed him. "PULL URSELF TOGEDDER MAN" he sed.

"r defensis haff fallin" sed bradberry "deres no1 2 leed us!"

"i gess dats mi cue" sed a voiec in da ski. **JESUS IS DAT YOU**

"wut wuz dat?" sed da gay samariten

den... dere wus a huge rainbow commin frum da sky! it blasted in2 da nile river an da nile river parted.

den... in da middle of da lake... was... JOSEF! he had his hands up in da air holdin moseses staff! **OMG IT'S JOSEF OUR HERO**

"ITS JOSEF" sed da gay samariten

"HORRAY" sed bradberry.

den da captin of one of da ships sed thru da mircofon "FIRE UR CANONS AT DAT FAGOOT" **Why do they have a microphone on a ship?**

all da bullets an canon balls were flyin at josef. den dey came 2gedder in da air. dere wuz a huge esplosion.

"NOOOOOOO" sed all da hufflepuffs.

but da nile river didnt stop partin... den da smoke cleared... josef was ok! he put his magik sheeld up just in time! all da bullets an canon balls were in da air in front of him. den he waved da staff an all da bullets an canonballs flew bak 2 da slitheren ships!

"NOOO" sed da slitherins as dey drowned in da nile river.

den da captin of daq silthyn ship jumped downn.

"SEA DRAGEN" he sed an a 7 heded sea dragen came up frum da sea. it wuz brethin fire at josef. **What the fuck is happening?**

"RAINBOW" sed josef pointin his staff at da dragen. but dis wuzznt da homsecktual rainbow wee all no an luv but da kind of rainbow dat cud cut thro da hed of a dragen. an dats exactly wut it did. it went thru da fire an cut da dragens hed in haff. but da 6 odder heds were still alive! da captin removed his belt. dere were lots o grenades on hi belt. he tok da pin off of 1 of dem an thru in in2 da fire dat da six heds were brethin.

"I GOT HIM NOW" sed da captin. but josef had his magik sheeld up an da see dragen an da captin died in da esplosion.

josef arched bak up to da hufflepuff ship.

"deres no way we can loose now!" sed steven

den... anodder ship came thru da slitherin ships. it had... A CANON BALL MACHINE GUN! bullets were flyin all ova da place. den dere ship wuz destroied.

"AHH" dey all sed as dey fell in2 da nile. josef fell in2 da wttar an had 2 hold on2 a flotin piece o wood. den... he felt somden brush across his leg... it was a crocadile! he had his moth open an wuz about to eat him! den josef shoved da staff down his throt an cut him in haff. **WHAT IS HAPPENING.**

josef looked around. bradberrys hat wuz on top of da water but bradberry wuz not under it. den a crocadile burt out of da watter. steven wus reslin wit it.

"LET GO OF MI BEST FREND" he yelled tryin to open da crocadiles mouth.

"LET GO OF MY STUDENT" sed da gay samaratin. he wuz behind da crocidile an had his penis pegleg up da crocodiles asshole. den steven opened da crocidiles mouth an bradberry came out. da crocidile was going bak underwatta... BUT HE WUS PULLIN DA GAY SAMARITEN DOWN WIT HIM! da gay samaritens pegleg wus too far up da crocidiles asshole!

josef came ova and wuz tryin to help da gay samariten up.

"UNSCREW UR PEGLEG" sed josef

"I CANT" sed da gay samaratin. he was gettin dragged down harder "ITS 2 FAR UP"

den josef took da staff an made a wand blade. he cut da pegleg off an draged da gay samamriten up 2 a pieec o wood. da were all flotin on peeces of wood.

den anodder ship pulld up bside dem.

"y hello ther faggots" **omg who is it.**


	51. Jesus' Biggest Fan

back to fic

ch 50 da pope

⌠babala chi chised da pope in his big church. He was sittin down wit a quil an writin da next book of da bible. **The pope wrote the bible?**

⌠ok. bi mr pope sed da church guy an left

⌠ive been workin on dis next book of da bible 4 so long... i wish da lord wud give me insoprashun like he did marquez jackson"

he looked on his computa... dere were no new chaptas...

"oh marquez u sed u wud wrote new chaptas... were u just playin wit me" den he started 2 cry. **poor pope.**

den dere wuz a bangin at da door.

"NMR POPE" sed da church guy. "wuts goin on in dere"

"just leeve me alone... im so sad..." **Marquez hasn't updated in years!**

den dere wuz a flash of lite an da room esploded. dere were 2 ppl in da middle of da room.

"am i in hogwarts yet" sed turtle

den da pope pointed at turtle "its you! soulja spirit bu jackson!" **YAAAAS BUU YAAAAS**

den da pope jumped out of his chair "OH MY GOD" he sed "IS DAT..."

"shh" sed turtle "ull spoil it for everybody"

but it was 2 late. da pope was running up 2 jesus shakin his hand "IM UR BIGGEST FAN" he sed **Same.**

but jesus din't say anyting.

"jsus is tired" turtle sed. "he wants 2 sit down" and he did.

"what r u doin here" sed da pope

"im tryin 2 get bak 2 da presnt" sed turtle

"turtle let me ask u a question. why hasnt marquez jacksomn posted anynew chapta latly"

"i dont no! dis is s ridiculus!" sed turtle "but im sure turtle is busy. he probbaly cudnt get to a librbary an raquell doesnt have a computer" **damnit raquell**

"ok i understand den" sed da pope "its just ive been so worried about u up in babel tower"

"oh dont worry" sed turtle "ur gonna b suprised. in fact... i bet marquez is writtin dat chapter right now..."

den da pope looked on his computer... DERE WUZ A NEW CHAPTA!

but when he turned around... turtle wuz gone... **OH SHIT**


	52. Da Battle Begins

ch 51 in da tower part 2:1000000 floors up **Impossible**

dere wuz an esplosion and fire went everiwere. me an turtle climbed outta da hole.

"dat wuz hard work" i sed

"yes it wuz" sed david. we both had big mussles from all dat fitin an we were covered in swet so u cud see dem well. **In reality they are skinny.**

den david looked up " omg! we made it to da top floor!"

den i looked up. we were lookin at da sky.

den my tummy started grumblin.

"im so hungrey" sed david "we sudda brot sum food..."

den i had a remembered... da 1 spell i hadnt used in a long time...

"stand bak" i sed "... WAAAAATTTTTTTAAAAMMMMEEEEEELLLLLOOOOOOONMNNNNNN!" **OH MY GOD. Btw that is not a spell**

den de3re wuz da biggest wattamelon dat eva lived

"OMG" sed david an we ate it.

"wut did we cum up here 4" i sed. den i remembered. "DA WISERD STONE"

den i turned around. dere wuz a table wit a hand on it holdin... NOTHIN!1

"WUT" i sed

"yes i got here first" sed a voice bhind us evilly.

we turned around... it wuz... VADERMORT FLYIN ON HIS DOLLA BILL!11111111111111111111 **WHY WAS HE ON A DOLLAR BILL**

"yes i have it... AQND NOW IM DA GRATEST WISERD EVER" a ball of dark electricty formed in his hand "YES NOW EVERYTING IN MY PLAN IS GOING ACCORING TO PLAN... PREPARE TO DIE!11111111" **Why is he yelling?**

den... a ball of red energy hit him on da side of hed.

he flew down an hit da stone floor brekin it.

"wut da hell" he sed

it wuz... JESUS!

"i tot u were suspended!" he sed

"i just got bak" sed jesus and thru anodder big red lazor ball at him.

den vadermort made a sord of dark energy in his hand. he cut da ball in haff and each side flew 2 each side. da walls esploded.

"i crusified u once... AND ILL DO IT AGAIN!" sed vadermort **Voldemort crucified Jesus?**

den... da battle began... **Oh god.**


	53. O hell no

ch 52 da biggest red ball of dem all **I thought that said dern for a second. I've been watching way too much of the Creatures.**

jesus made a big lazor ball in his hand and thru it. vadermort cut it in haf and both sides exploded again.

"TAKE DIS" sed vadermort swingin his dark sword. jesus blocked it wit da big red ball and den punched vadermort in da face an it esploded. **Where did he get a sword?**

vadermort flu bak in2 da tower. stones cracked and crumbled.

"did i get him" sed jesus. but he didnt. a ball of dark energy (not 2 b confuzed wit blak energy) flu at him. jesus tried 2 doge him... but he didnt. da ball hit him an it esploded. jesus flu bak 1000000 feet and crashed into da grond. **DOGE HIM?**

"lolololololololol" sed vadermort "now dat i hav da wiserd stone... NO ONE CAN DEFEET ME!"

da sun was risin in da north. but den i relized... dat wuznt da sun... DAT WUZ JESUS MAKIN DA BIGGEST BIG RED BALL EVA! **The sun rises in the East not the North.**

"HNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN" sed jesus liftin it ova his hed.

"wut" sed vadermort suprized. he tryd 2 slash it wit his sord but it wuz 2 late. **Same Vadermort Same**

"N0OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" sed vadermort crashin in2 babel tower.

"HORRAY" sed me an david. but den... we herd a rumblin. da tower of babel was fallin apart under r feet!

"da tower of babel was fallin apart under r feet!" sed david **DEJA VU**

"i NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" i sed but we were fallin.

da chillin were runnin out of ravinclaw commin room gettin crushed by bolders. den noah came out lookin all angry.

"wuts goi on" sed noah. den a bolder flu towards him. "o hell no" he sed. "WHITE HOLE" da white hole apperd an sucked up sum bolders. **I'm laughing at "o hell no"**

"RUN CHILLIN" sed noah "ITS NOT SAFE HERE" an they did.

but we were still fallin.

"is dis da end" sed david.


	54. Jesus saves his game of Super Mario

ch 53 jesus saves : **He saves what? His game of Super Mario Sunshine?**

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" me an david sed as we were fallin 2 r deaths.

but den... jesus flu up an caught us! david was in his arms an i wuz in his bak.

"hang on" sed jesus "its gonna be a bumby ride". **Not really**

den dere wuz a sonic boom an we were flyin away.

"WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" me an david sed. but we spoke 2 soon. vadermort wuz firin dark energy at us lik a machine gun. **If they're going at sonic boom speed how can Voldemort fire at them?**

"I CANT USE MY HANDS" sed jesus so he put david on da ground an started firin red balls at him. but vadermort wuz catchin up on da dolla bill. **Seriously, where are the brooms?**

"let me help" i sed an took out my gun an my wand an started shootin bullets an magik at vadermort whu tryd 2 doge dem but cuddnt. **What's the points of a wand if you have guns?**

"BULLSEYE" i sed.

da dollabill started swervin. but as soon as i sed dat badermort made a big ass ball of dark energy an thru it at us. so jesus made anodder big ass lazor ball an thru it. der wuz a bigass esplosion an we were flung 2 grund.

"I TOLD U" sed vadermort "IM INVINCIBLE! NO 1 CAN DEFET ME AS LONG AS I HAVE DA WISERD STONE!"

but den... just as he sed dat... sum pirate ships started commin down da river... **Oh great they're back**


	55. Update 2

Ok so I heard about this group called Elimination and apparently my MSTs are at a risk for deletion but, they wouldn't dare delete these if they want to live till the age of 80. I just wanted to let you know I might have to delete this story if they message me saying my story is a violation.


	56. RIP GAY SAMARITAN

ch 54 harod potter an da atomik antimagik nife

"IMMA WEAR UR ASS AS A HAT" sed harod **Nice. Subtle but nice.**

"HORRAY" sed bradberry.

"I meen im gonna kill u" sed harod **Oh.**

"oh..." sed bradberry.

josef had out mosess staff an da gay sameritn had out his sord an wand blade. **What is the point of wands if you have blades?**

"u mite have killed my entuire crew" sed harod. which wuz tru bcuz da nile river ran red an dere wuzznt a part of eygypt dat didnt have part of a ded slytherin on it.

"UR INSANE" sed da gay sameritin "ULL KILL US ALL"

"dat may b" sed harod "but im gonna kill u first"

den da gay sameritin ran at him. "DIE" sed da gay smaeritin. harod steped outta da way den cut his sord an stabbed him. da gay sameritin fell down on da deck all bloody. **NO THE GAY SAMARITAN! **

"HAROD POTTER YOU BASTARD" sed steven runnin at him wit his big gay muscles. den he thru da biggest gayest punch eva. harod but up da nife an bloked. but he wuz strugglin unda his big gay muscles. den as he was about to win somden when ova his hed. **GO STEVEN GO. USE YOUR BIG MUSCLES.**

"HMMMMMMMMMMM" sed harod. da gay smaritin wuz sittin on his hed tryin 2 put it up his butthole.

"DIE YOU LITTLE SUN OF A BOITCH". den dere wuz crack. he had brokin harods hed between his buttcheeks. harods body fell 2 da floor an da gay samariten slurped him up his buthole. **Oh my god what iS HAPPENING?**

"r u alrite" sed bradberry.

"yes" sed da samaritin. but den he sed "oooohhh... i dont feel so good."

den... da atomik vibratin antimagik nife stabbed out of his stomach den cut him in haf. **NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!**

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" sed da hufflepuffs as harod clawed his way out of da gay sameritins dead body.

"YOU BASTARD" sed a hufflepuff.

"you cant kill me dat easily" sed harod **If you broke your fucking neck you dead boy.**

"ive had enough of dis" sed josef steppin towards harod. "PREPARE 2 DIE" **So have I Josef, so have I.**


	57. Harod dies because of RAINBOWWW

ch 55 revenge

"u tink u can kill me?" sed harod **Yeah**

"yes i tink i can" sed josef **See Josef agrees.**

"DEN COME ON" sed harod an ran at josef slashin. josef blocked wit da staff bcuz he cudnt use magik bcuz it wuz an antimagik nife. **Damn antimagic knives**

"I CANT USE MAGIK!?" sed josef

"no you cant" sed harod. de josef thru harod 2 da ground. he was about 2 bash harods hed open but harod doged an stabbed at josef. but he doged an hit harods leg an broke it. den he made a wand blade an cut harods had off an da nife fell thru da ship into da river. **So intense**

"i dont need dis staff 2 kill u" sed josef kikin da staff aside. den he clicked his heels an did a lil turn. "RAINBOW!" he sed. **YES THE RAINBOW**

"NOOOOOOO" sed harod as he caght on rainbow colored fire an esploded like fireworks.

"we got sum prisioners" sed a hufflpuff wit slytherins in chains.

"looks like were gonna have dat gay butt sex party afterall" sed steven.

"u know what dey say" sed josef "revenge is a dish best served with gay butt sex!" **Wise words young Josef. Assuming he's younger than 19**

"NOOOOOOOOO" sed da slytherins.

den as dey were about 2 put dere smelly cocks into da slytherns assholes dey herd a voice. **Ew wash your penises**

"LET MY PEOPLE GO" it wuz... MOSES! **MOSES!**

"why are u fiting?" he sed "do u want sltytherin 2 b like gobblygoo one of da original houses da was destroyed in da war between da houses?!" **There was a house called gobblygoo? Amazing**

"but dey tryed 2 kill us!" sed steven with a slytherin in a big bear hug with his cock inches away from his buthole.

"dat may b" sed moses "but we shud all get along. josef! u shud no better!" **Moses this is 2014. There is no time for peace**

"but dey killed da gay samariten!" sed josef

"WUT" sed moses "WHO DID DIS!?" **I KNOW THATS WHAT I SAID**

"harod potter"

"well were is he?" sed moses **He died in a tragic accident**

"hes dead" sed josef

"good" sed moses "we dont need his type at hogwatrs"

"but i gess dat mens u dont have a headmaster" he sed

"hey dats rite" sed a hufflepuff

"i say dis" sed moses "since da slytherins attacked hufflepuff from now on only a hufflepuff can b hed of slytherin. an since da hufflepuffs fought da slytherins only a slytherin can b hed of hufflepuff."

"does dat meen ull b r new hedmaster" sed steven

"yes" sed moses

"den who will be r hedmaster" sed a slytherin wit bradberrys can up his buthole. **Oh Bradberry**

"some1 who has shown grate courage" sed moses

"who is dat" sed josef

"its u josef" sed moses **JOSEF?**

"ME" sed josef

"yes" sed moses "now we must stop fitin. dere is an even bigger battle takin place rite as we speek." **Wut**

"wut" sed josef

"vadermorts fitin jesus an turtles in truble" sed moses **Why didn't moses help them first?**

"RELEASE DA PRISINORS" sed josef

"TO WAR" sed josef an moses together as da slytherins an hufflepuffs climmed on2 da ship.

"fabulous" sed steven.


End file.
